


until you come back home

by zialless



Category: One Direction (Band)
Genre: Canadian West Coast, Drama & Romance, Friends to Lovers, M/M, Near Death Experiences, Sailor Niall, Summer Love, Surfer Louis, Surfer Niall, West Coast verse, warning: drowning
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-01-23
Updated: 2018-01-23
Packaged: 2019-03-08 09:57:40
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 35,559
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13455840
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/zialless/pseuds/zialless
Summary: aren't we too grown for games? aren't we too grown to play around? young enough to chase, but old enough to know better. are we too grown for changin'? are we too grown to mess around? i can't wait forever baby, both of us should know betterniall didn't think his summer would be any different until an old acquaintance comes back to town, and he finds himself dealing with issues that have nothing to do with him while having his own that he evidently brought upon himself.





	until you come back home

**Author's Note:**

> hello hello! finally, i'm posting something! this is for the rare pair fest which i'm happy to be a part of!
> 
> this story...is messy and it's supposed to be. if you get confused, that's sort of the point. but who doesn't love messy ziall?
> 
> also...welp, no beta. but that's ok. i think. if you do catch any mistakes, let me know.
> 
> srsly tho thanks for all the support (if you're still keeping up with me)! can't do this without you (and your pretty comments that i'll be waiting for :-) i appreciate it all, plus kudos!!
> 
> i'm here! zialless.tumblr.com  
> main: niallstaurusgf.tumblr.com
> 
> disclaimer: i'm not affiliated with the places that i've used. they're real places so uhh...yeah
> 
> **warnings: near-drowning experience (i've put ** to mark where it starts and ends)**

The waves were merciful for May compared to the rain and storm it gave out the past few days. Niall almost wished it wasn't as he was docking his boat at the wharf, coming back after a day's worth of sailing along the coast of Tofino. Tofino is a small town with a population of 1,900, according to the last census taken. It's on Vancouver Island, north of the capital city. They export nothing but amazing waves for surfing. Everything here is local, meaning there were no corporate companies anywhere in this town. If you liked dense evergreen forests, beaches, craft beer—this was the place to be.

As he wrapped the rope around the cleat to moor the boat and Lani was pulling the rope to shut the sails, his mind kept pondering about the calm waters—how exciting sailing would've been today if the sea was a little rougher. There was barely any wind, so they sat in the boat eating lunch without worrying about waves picking up and flipping them over. That was the usual behaviour of the sea—angry like it's in mourning, bringing down victims who underestimate her.

Lani's his best friend from high school who everyone ignored. Popularity doesn't mean anything but that's what people said to make themselves sound less narcissistic. In the ladder, Niall was around the middle who people approached for homework help and a good time for the weekend. And Lani was the wall who watched everything happen. No one spoke anything bad of her, and if they did, they would see a side not even Niall knows about. Her hair changes a lot, but her favourite style is short. Right now, its an afro of big curls. She's got tattoos all over her body. If anybody saw her now, they wouldn't recognize her. And they would think she's doing Niall a favour.

Her dad owns a pub in town called Sobo, close to the beach with all the other competitors. Every summer, it would fill up until midnight and neither of them would be able to go home until an hour passes midnight. As summer dawns, it's slowly getting there. It's still locals at least—tourists won't be coming until summer officially starts.

Neither of them had work today; they were at Sobo simply for drinks because that's what any 24-year old would be doing when they're not in school. With them was Lani's sister, Jhen who just graduated from high school. There’s been a plan to throw her a party, and the whole town was here to join. They took the second floor of the pub while the main floor resumed as a restaurant.

A lot of the locals were coming back this summer from God knows where. Tonight, was an occasion for them to celebrate too—but everyone knows this is specifically for Jhen and her classmates who weren't old enough for drinks. That was for the real adults.

They sit at their usual booth, heavy loaded nachos on the table with a pitcher of Hoyne Pilsner, watching Jhen socializing with just about everybody from her school.

"If only everyone knew how much of a dork she is." Lani laughs, elbowing Niall because he knows the truth—she is.

But he knows Lani is kidding. She loves her sister, it's weird. They barely fought.

"You influenced her to be a dork." Said Niall, holding his glass on the table, sitting leaned back in his seat. "Now at college, they're gonna pick on her because of you."

"Oh please. College was great. Probably the best years of my life." Lani starts to pick the olives off the nachos.

Niall vaguely remembers what happened during his years in college. It was all booze and textbooks. A sad combination, really, but he needed it when he spent four years of his life doing marine engineering. It wasn't bad, but it required a lot of reading and math. And it's not like he got a real job out of it. But hey, four dinner-til-closing shifts as a bartender and part-time fishing charter doesn't sound so bad.

"I think everyone knows Haider likes my sister _except_ my sister." Lani observes her sister from their booth. Niall looks her way too; watching Haider laughing harder than anybody else at the table.

"I'm surprised you haven't said anything." Niall would've blabbed about it by now.

"He'll tell her eventually. Maybe." She shrugs twice in a row.

"Hey, guys! Shitty party, am I right?" Louis slides in on Niall's right side. He's sitting so close that their shoulders are pressed together.

Louis was a high school mate of theirs too who looked like any other skater on the island with the edgy Stussy and Adidas hoodies and tracksuits. He works at the beach renting out surfboards during the season but he’s mainly a swimming instructor and lifeguard.

"I feel like I'm babysitting, and I’m not even related to any one of these kids." He complains with a scoff. He’s only mad because this party is mainly for teenagers—the only real people who can drink would be the three of them.

"Your sisters aren't even close to graduating, why are you here?" Lani laughs.

"I thought there were free drinks." He grabs Niall's pint, and takes a sip. A really long sip. Niall's face turns deadpan—not wanting to even notice stupid Louis drinking his beer. Once the glass was half way done, Louis put it back down and wiped his mouth before he turned to look over the railing of the second floor. He watched the entrance just before turning back. "And Zayn said he would be coming back for the summer. I'm meeting him here."

"Haider's older brother, right?" Lani leans forward to look at Louis.

"I haven't seen Zayn in years. Like six years actually." Niall's chin pulls back, the corners of his mouth pulls down as he ponders. "What ever happened to him?"

"Your ex." Louis laughs annoyingly.

"We dated for a second." Niall shrugs. To be practical, it was four months in high school. It wasn't really anything. Niall doesn't know why they dated in the first place. All he can really remember is that their decision to break up was mutual. Niall could say they're friends, but he hasn't kept up with him all these years, so they were technically strangers who know each other's name.

"Whatever." Louis sighs. "Tell me if you see him around. I gotta kick his ass for not coming back after all these years."

"Sure." Lani shrugs before she drinks her pint.

"I gotta piss." Niall waves his hand at Louis to move. "But feel free to fill a pitcher, Louis. Fucking moocher."

"Hah! You're fucking hilarious." Louis laughs incoherently; his whole mouth filled with nachos.

As Niall made his way to the washroom, all he could think about were the people who he hasn't seen in years. It's been six years since they graduated high school themselves. Someone could be pregnant, married, dead—and Niall wouldn't even know. This town wasn't a place for everybody. It's small; mostly tourists fill it up during the summer and if it's not the season to be here, it would only be the people Niall has known for his entire life. He doesn't need any more than what he has now.

And to hear that Zayn was coming back, it made him feel weird. Despite it being over his head, they did date. Dating in high school sort of counts. He's not too thrilled knowing he'll see him, but he isn't going to be a stupid idiot who will avoid him. Not like any of them did anything wrong. It just ended. It didn't feel right to begin with when Niall only dated him for his looks. Inarguably, he's the most attractive guy he's ever seen with his brown eyes and wavy dark hair when it was long enough, but it wasn't enough to really hold on to a relationship. He was a kid who wanted to see what dating would be, could you blame him?

Come to think of it, his relationships in college were far sadder, far more significant. He didn't want to think about it as he's pissing into the toilet. But it was too late. He still misses Hailee. He fucked up hard on that—constantly wanting something new nobody could even help with. Hailee was close, but he didn't want to get attached knowing he'd be back here. He still has her number but texting her at this time after 3 years would just be cruel for the both of them.

He washes his hands before he leaves the bathroom, and he's quickly met with the smell of beer in the air—a scent he's used to. And then, cotton? Something soft and soothing. What the hell is that?

He heads back to the booth after a while, still digesting the conversation he just had with someone he barely knows. Something about the weather.  Yeah, it's hot this year. Fuck.

Out of nowhere, someone shoves into his shoulder, immediately sending Niall to scowl their way until they apologize. People need to slow down and think about who's around so shit like this doesn't happen.

"Sorry." They look back to apologize before walking away. But they halt themselves before their head whips back to look at Niall, voice faltered when they realized they hit him, and their eyes widened with so much excitement. Niall should've just ignored it.

"Hey!" Zayn greets him. "Shit, I didn't recognize you." He gestures at Niall's head. Yeah, he has brown hair now, grew a little more facial hair, outgrown his phase with the ugly sneakers and loose-fitting clothing, and gotten a little bit thicker. Not really enough to make him unrecognizable but he'll let it go.

"Hey!" Niall reacts the same, although he doesn't know why he did. Probably because he did the same thing. Not like Niall was entirely excited to see him. "Yeah, me neither." Not really. Zayn just looks more mature and fashionable with the undercut hairstyle with the sides almost even in length as the hair on top of his head and trimmed beard. It's impressive; there's a swirl in the quiff. And there was that interesting smell of musky soft fabric again. It must be his perfume.

"How have you been?" He asks.

"Good." Niall shrugs and nods. "Nothing really new." Wrong choice of words. It might've been all new to Zayn but to Niall, life has just been this way for a while. "How about you? You kinda just left town and never looked back." Niall didn't mean it in a cruel way.

"I was back in Vancouver for a while, London, then New York. Worked on some charity events, parties, weddings."

"Wow. Those are really nice places. And a fun career." Niall muses. "Why'd you decide to come back?"

"One, for my brother's graduation. Then two, I wanted to bring my girlfriend to see Tofino."

"It's what any smart person would do." Niall laughs quietly. "And Louis' been waiting for you, by the way. Says he'll kick your ass."

"Yeah, you guys sitting somewhere?"

Niall nods just before he makes his way through the crowd with Zayn tailing behind. Shortly, they got to the booth and Louis is the only one to shoot up from his seat and hug Zayn before he shoves him for not coming back any sooner.

"Lani?" Zayn laughs when he notices who Niall's sitting beside. "How's it going?"

"Oh my, infamous Zayn Malik knows my name! I could die now." Lani scoffs dramatically. There's cruel intentions somewhere in there to make him feel bad after all the times he's treated everyone back in school like shit when he's the asshole all along. She never did like Zayn, and she never did like that he and Niall dated.

"You still got enemies, dude." Louis laughs.

"It's fine. One day, Lani." Zayn grins at her. "We'll be tight as a rope."

"Where's your girlfriend?" Niall lifts a brow.

"Oh fuck. I was supposed to wait for her by the washroom, but I was looking for Louis, then I bumped into you."

"Is that... Her?" Niall's eyes shift to the Japanese girl with curly black hair walking towards their table. Either she's really pissed, or her face is so relaxed she looks pissed.

"Hey!" She huffs at Zayn. Yeah, she's definitely pissed.

"Fuck, I'm so sorry." Zayn laughs amidst his apology.

"You suck." She shakes her head at him just as she sits beside him.

"I'm sorry." He throws his arm around her, and immediately goes to give her a kiss on her head. "Saw some of my friends."

Fuck, Niall swears in his head, and he sinks in his seat as he groans quietly to Lani who laughs at Niall. It's nice to know love is banging on his door with pamphlets, pressing him if he's accepted love into his life. Life, you would know if he did. It was difficult to find the balance and middle ground with anybody these days. Everyone always seems to be picking up their shit and leaving.

Niall finishes his beer just as Lani refilled his glass. It barely took him twenty seconds to finish the whole thing before he shakes his head at Lani. 'Don't even ask why'—she won't.

The entire time it was mostly Louis and Zayn catching up on their lives while Zayn's girlfriend Akane listened. Niall was partially listening too—hearing Zayn's dilemma with his family; something about his parents stressing him out right now. But Lani and Niall had conversations of their own about plans in general. There were ideas springing about state road trips, two months sail trip to California on Lani's dad's bigger sail boat. Something will eventually be done. If not, he won't be surprised.

"It was the same time you and Niall dated." Louis brought up amidst their conversation. Maybe there's an explainable reason why he said that. It was something they all heard and know it's at the wrong time.

Zayn looked at him for a mere second before he looked back at Louis.

"I don't remember that bet. But hearing it, I'm pretty sure you lost." Zayn replies.

Lani rolls her eyes as she shakes her head. She nudges Niall under the table before she starts to slide out her seat.

"Well, I'm gonna head home." Lani grins tightly at Zayn and Louis. “I don’t wanna be here when this is all over.”

"Yeah, same." Niall follows in suit.

"Bye Lani.” Louis salutes at her.

“Bye Louis.” Niall huffs. He was leaving too, why didn’t he get a bye?

“Fuck you.” He throws up the middle finger at Niall.

"I'm gonna—" Niall reaches across the table just to punch Louis on his shoulder. Lani was like his sister. His brother Gary was great and all but he's 5 years older than he is—he was far behind on life compared to Gary who has a wife back in Mullingar.

“Why are _you_ leaving so early?” Louis asks Niall.

"Six a.m. sail." Niall explains.

"Can I go? You never take me." Louis grimaces.

"Your big head will tip the boat." Niall laughs.

"Fuck you, again." Louis shoots his middle finger up at Niall.

No, but really, they would need a bigger boat. Niall's boat, _Andromeda_ was only good for two—maybe three if he wanted his boat to be crowded. Most often, he doesn't

"I'll see you guys around." Niall waves to everyone before he and Lani go.

He can finally breathe.

* * *

The island life is very laid back and it could be a good thing to some people while others just find it irritating how people here are so slow, both in driving and thinking.

And they could hate it all they want but they won't wake up to a greater morning than here with the mountains and the sea.

It's the crack of dawn and Niall's already up and about. So is his classic chestnut brown and white Cockalier, Bono who's up with her collar jangling as she makes her way to her water bowl. She’s a mix between a Cavalier King Charles Spaniels and a Cocker Spaniel. His parents adopted her from the animal shelter just before they left him. In his underwear and disheveled hair, he gets the coffee pot going first so he could have it with his Portuguese custard tarts. His eyes still feel heavy, but he did say 6am that he'd be going for an early sail. There's still the dry drool on the corner of his mouth that he tries to rub off.

He lives alone in his family's house between the beach and the forest. It was an old place nobody wanted until Niall's great-great-great grandparents fixed it up—it turned into a giant renovation project. However, he spent six months repainting the whole cabin to give it a new alder brown. He got help from Louis' stepdad to put in new counters, sinks, lights—literally everything to make it liveable and comfortable. But for him to be living all alone, it was too big. It had an open concept, but he was left with three bedrooms and two bathrooms to deal with. The extra space mostly acts as a storage area for all his clothes that he's only worn once but not dirty enough to be put in the hamper, boating equipment, his surfboard, and Bono's sleeping area.

He goes to the wharf by 5:40. He's got a backpack full of snacks, water, and dog treats for Bono who he's carrying in his right arm. Since Lani wasn't coming with him today, Bono was.

By 6:10, he's got _Andromeda_ set out away from the beach. Calm winds, at least there's some. His boat wasn't massive like everyone else's. The precision 23 was a fine size for him. He wasn't going anywhere far or dangerous with it. If he is, he's smart enough to ask Lani's dad to borrow his boat instead.

He's been sailing since he was thirteen. The sea practically runs through his veins. He could've gone somewhere with it. Not sure how, but people seemed to have told him that a lot. Even now, when they see Niall docking his boat at the wharf, they'll greet him and tell him he's living the life. The one thing he really wants to do is go on that three-month sail. Just for the hell of it, he's got all the time in the world.

He arrives back at the marina by two in the afternoon with Louis waiting for him, posing as Capitan Morgan on a short wooden pole. He can already tell he's got something up his sleeve. He's slowly reversing back in his spot, drops his mooring buoy just before his stern can reach the platform of the wharf.

"Believe it or not, after you left, I got shit from Zayn's girlfriend yesterday and I barely know her." Louis starts to laugh.

"Catch." Niall throws Louis a looped rope.

"You know I don't know what I'm doing." Louis grabs the rope anyway.

"Hook it on the cleat." Niall points to this iron-looking anvil nailed to the boardwalk.

"The _clit?_ " Louis slides the hook through the arm, and Niall immediately groans.

"No! Dude, fucking hook it through the hole and then hook it through the arm."

"Motherfucker." Louis huffs as Niall pulls more of the rope back to secure the first stern line "See, if you took me sailing, you could teach my ass a thing or two about parking a damn boat."

"Here. Second rope. Don't fuck up." Niall throws the second stern line from the port side.

"You're a shitty teacher." Louis catches the rope while Niall walks off to tie the spring and bow lines to the rest of the cleats.

It takes them ten minutes to dock before Niall can finally lock and shut his boat down. He lets Bono roam free without a leash—only because he knows Bono would follow right behind and do nothing else.

For someone he doesn't consider his best friend, he hangs out with Louis a lot.

"Now, what were you saying?" Niall hands Louis his backpack to hold.

"Zayn's girlfriend. She got pissed that you dated Zayn." Louis starts to laugh again.

"Why the fuck?" Niall snorts.

"I don't know." Louis shrugs. "Zayn told me she gets jealous really easily."

"Okay..." Not sure why Louis is telling him all of this. Niall doesn't actually care.

"Well, I don't like her. Luckily, she's only staying three days because she's got summer school down in Royal Roads. Which means me and Zayn can hang out without her hating on me for stating facts."

"Good. You need a new friend." Niall looks behind him. Yup—Bono is still tailing behind.

"Speaking of friends," Louis turns to him with this look that makes Niall stop in his steps. "I gotta tell you something."

"What?"

"Don't take offence. I sort of realized yesterday... But, I... Kind of like Lani."

Niall blinks in silence, unresponsive to Louis' searching gaze. He can see Louis' eyes searching his entire face for something. It takes him twenty seconds to really understand what just happened.

"Since when?" He exclaims.

"I don't know." Louis laughs nervously as he scratches his head. "This stays between us, by the way. I know how close you are, so I'll know if you tell her."

"You do know if she knows, then you really can't do anything to me since I can't take it back." Niall lifts a brow. "Besides, what do you want me to do?"

"I don't fucking know!" He huffs. "Work your magic, Horan."

"What magic?" Niall bursts out laughing.

"The one that landed you dick on Saturday and pussy on Sunday." Louis tells him. "I call that bitch craft. No, I don't. It just rhymes."

"Oh my god." Niall starts to walk away even faster with Bono running behind. “Girl, let’s go.”

* * *

The next shift he's working at Sobo is today, from 5:00pm until midnight where he'll be closing the pub by himself and one other server. It's really been a long day and he didn't do anything but sleep and surf in the morning until his shift. He couldn't stop thinking about Louis' stupid secret. Why'd he have to tell him that? Why does he even feel that way about her? As he poured pints and filled pitchers, conversed with customers sitting at the bar, he couldn't stop thinking about the idea of Lani dating. Everyone around him is either dating or married and he was just him. Sure, he likes the dating scene but this whole commitment thing at the young age of 20 needs to stop.

They all have their own lives to live. And dating someone just holds everyone back. He couldn't live like that. Maybe everyone else can but the thought of it all makes him anxious.

By 11, there was not much people to talk to. Lani wasn't working with him. It was her sister Jhen working tonight, who he knows but not well enough to talk a straight conversation. As the music from the speakers played and pool balls clacked from the table, he was constantly cleaning the bar until a drink order came up, constantly thinking what it would mean if Lani and Louis started dating. Fuck.

"You seem tense." A voice came across the bar. Great... It was Zayn. It's better than nothing though. Looking back, he was easy to talk to. He's in a yellow-orange hoodie, exhaustion ridden all over his face; it’s the low-hooded eyes and the unkept hair. Although, it doesn’t make him look bad—just more attractive.

"Ordering anything?" Niall doesn't say anything about him looking drained. His face and sleeves pulled over his knuckles says it all.

"Yeah. Give me a double rum and coke. Short."

It takes him roughly a minute to make this shitty drink, handing it right over the counter with a wedge of lime on the rim. There wasn't anybody else to attend to so there isn't a problem when he's giving all his attention to this one customer at the bar.

"How's your day so far?" Zayn asks.

"Alright. I went surfing. Good waves today. Seven wipes though." Niall took about ten minutes to catch his breath after every wipe.

"Ouch." Zayn laughs. "Thought everyone here knew how to surf."

"We do. Sometimes not well." Niall sighs as he looks at the clock. 11:16. Fuck.

As Zayn sipped through his drink, Niall poured himself a shot of tequila. Then took out another glass and poured one for Zayn too.

"What's the occasion?" Zayn asks, holding the shot near his lips.

"Freedom. While it lasts. Before the tourists take it away."

"I'm a tourist." Zayn pretends to be insulted but Niall doesn't agree; shakes his head at him.

"You live here." Niall grimaces. "You coming back doesn't necessarily count."

"Even if it is just for a few months?"

"Fuck. Never mind." Niall snatches the shot back from Zayn, who starts to laugh. He looks less shit now.

Niall swallows his shot of tequila like it's nothing before he drowns the taste of bitter alcohol with coke.

"I miss this place." Zayn sighs as stirs the ice in his glass with the straw.

"It hasn't really changed." Niall shrugs. "Waves are still awesome for surfing, there are no corporate pigs stealing from us, Tacofino is still making great burritos, and Halibut fish and chips is expensive. As always."

"I always liked cod." Zayn shrugs.

"I'd have to disagree." Halibut is way leaner than cod.

When Jhen comes to the bar, it's for a refill on a pitcher of Blue Buck. It only takes Niall a minute to pass to Jhen before he's back in front of Zayn, and passes their fourth shot of tequila. Niall can feel his face turning red. Zayn looks even more tired but happier at least and it was only 11:34. Not bad.

"Oh shit." Niall laughs drily. "Where's your girlfriend?" He just remembered what Louis told him. He's not in the mood to make enemies.

"She went back to school. Goes to Royal Roads." Zayn went silent after. Lips twisting, teeth biting down in contemplation before he eventually said, "Truth be told, she's not my girlfriend."

Niall looks up to see what Zayn wanted out of this. All he saw was a face full of regret before he looked down at his cutting board, as he was slicing lemons and limes as garnishes to fill for tomorrow. "You told me you were dating."

"We are. Kind of." Zayn looks up at the ceiling. He was clearly unsure.

"Make up your mind. Selina Hanson's still pining for you." Niall laughs.

She's around somewhere. She's one of the few rare people who hate Niall. At least he knows Selina's hate is valid. It was back in high school—old, crazy, stupid drama per usual. It was said Zayn broke up with Selina for him. It got him a lot of trouble and oddly got none for Zayn. How stupid.

"Kidding. She's married." Niall shakes his head. "What were you saying?"

"We're on and off way too much." Zayn explains. "She sleeps with other people, and I... Sort of did too when she started. But we kind of just go back to each other. While I travelled, I usually stayed at her place. Didn't have the time to travel all the way here if I had to leave a few days after. Didn't own a place since I left every so often. I lived out of a suitcase."

"Sounds sad."

"A bit, yeah." Zayn nods. "Anyway, my family met her. Wasn't too fond of her."

"Louis doesn't either if that helps." Niall laughs quietly.

"Oh, yeah. Fuck, Louis left in the middle of our conversation when she was talking about the Kardashians." Zayn bursts out laughing. "I knew."

"Now the question stands. Why are you guys still dating?"

"Just trying to hold on to something?" Zayn shrugs again. "I don't know. We've been together for a year with not much going on."

"That's heavy." Niall looks back at the clock again for what seems to be the hundredth time in the hour and it still isn't midnight.

"You seem eager to go." Zayn points out with a grin.

Niall blows a breath, bringing his cheeks to relax. Let's not front about it. "... Yeah..."

"I can go if it gets you to close early."

"Sadly, that's not how it works." Niall grins. "Thanks for the offer, though. Appreciate it." He'll close the pub with Jhen even if there are people around. Or the one table of two and Zayn.

Niall's wiped the bar at least five times now, washed all the glasses, and prepared garnishes for cocktails and mocks. He's left to help Jhen with setting tables up for tomorrow. Even she's left to standing on one spot, reading the Tofino magazine.

He and Zayn talk until closing, leading to two more drinks and Niall tipsy by the end. Although it was fun to have Zayn around to talk to, he was ready to go home to Bono and sleep. He's quite different now where Niall can actually talk to him about things—pleasant things like his life in Vancouver and New York, where he spent all his days and weeks throwing private events. He lives a life easy to be envious of.

* * *

The one day where he can sleep in, there's a knock on his door bringing him out of his bed before he could even wake up. Out of decency, Niall throws a shirt over, just in case it's someone from work looking for him or someone from the docks about his boat.

Louis was definitely not the person he had in mind to be knocking on his door at 8 in the morning. He didn't know Louis was even up this early.

"Hi, Louis." Niall blinks in disinterest.

"Wanna go out for a road trip to Ucluelet?" He's got a dad's hat on with a black Patagonia vest; looks like he's ready to go fishing.

"It's 40 minutes away." Niall grimaces at his idiot friend. He shivers all of the sudden when a cold breeze passes by his door, making his hair stand on the back of his neck.

"Zayn wants to go." Louis adds. Like that's gonna change anything.

"So, take him." Niall gestures his arm out.

"I don't have a car." He frowns dramatically at Niall, and he immediately looks back at his old 2000 jeep wrangler given to him by this old friend of his parents five years ago. It only serves its purpose as a summer vehicle. To drive that thing in the winter would be a death sentence.

"How do you have a license but no car? Niall scoffs.

"Why would you ask me when you know we have a shit economy?" Louis huffs. "You own a fucking house. And three boats!"

Technically, his parents own still own the house. And he picked the boat up at a fucking dump and invested years into it. The charter fishing boat at work and the sport sailboat he has don’t exactly even count.

"He's sort of right." A voice cuts in.

"Zayn." Niall lifts a brow as he pokes his body out to look at Zayn standing on the other side opposite from Louis.

"Exactly." Louis finishes.

"What are you doing here?" Niall asks breathily. Louis seeing him in his underwear is fine, but it's another story when someone who's a stranger to him like Zayn is sees him in his black boxers and an old, faded Hard Rock cafe shirt.

"Louis dragged me along to get you to drive us to Big Beach." Zayn shrugs a shoulder. "Will you?"

"Just because you're asking doesn't really do anything to change my answer to a yes." Niall laughs. Wow, his friends sure are funny.

"No... But it's like common courtesy, you see?" Zayn holds a finger up as he winces. "I'm visiting for the summer. You gotta show me around and a nice guy like you, I think you would."

"Niall, a nice guy? Maybe if you suck his dick, sure." Louis scoffs really loudly, it even hurt Niall.

"I'm not sucking Niall's dick." Zayn grimaces.

"And I don't want it sucked. Like, I'm right here, Louis. I can hear you." Niall huffs.

"You hate surprises, so this is why I'm saying it out loud. This definitely isn't one for you to hate." Louis explains.

"You all up at my door is one."

"What do you have planned today, anyway?"

"Sleep in. Eat. Sleep.”

"Sounds boring. You're already awake. So, let's go." Louis pushes past the door where he runs up to Niall’s room and starts looking for his clothes. Niall watches his very awful friend turning back and forth while Zayn waits beside Niall. "Put some pants on, sunshine!" If Louis can find it in his room.

As Louis flipped his home upside down for some pants, Niall watched him with a deadpan face and lowered eyelids. For a moment, he forgot someone else was here—he only remembered Zayn was around because of the smell of his perfume again; that soft, cotton smell that probably must be deodorant or some body wash of some sort. It can't be perfume. Men perfume always tend to be way too masculine and cold like the mountains.

He was waiting right beside him, leaning on the other side of the door frame, stuck in thought until he noticed Niall looking at him.

"Quaint." Zayn describes his home.

"Yeah." He laughs lightly. It's not like he needed anything else.

"Is Maura and Bobby still around?" Zayn asks.

Something about asking Zayn how he knows his parents' name would be an insult. Niall knows why. Plain and simple, they dated back then. Now they're strangers who knows about each other's personal lives; slowly learning even more.

"Retired back in Ireland." Niall tells him.

He responds with a nod that makes Niall feel something. Whether it was odd or good, Niall never really thought Zayn would remember his parents or think to ask about them. They're a regular pair—nothing spectacular to someone if they caught them on the street. To Niall, they were one of a kind; being taught at an early age to hone his skills, appreciate them and what he has, and have an extensive view about everything. It's endless what he can learn from his parents.

And sure, his old neighbours and old family friends ask about Maura and Bobby—in which he always replies that they're doing well. And sure, he tells Louis and Lani stories about his parents. But for Zayn to ask—it's just strange to him.

Louis shoves at Niall a pair of his straight cut jeans that he grabs in frustration before he's putting his leg through.

To Ucluelet, Niall guesses.

* * *

On the top of his car, he's got both his and Louis' surfboards strapped and secured while his trunk has got his wetsuit and beach stuff like sunscreen, towels, and extra clothes in case he forgot his first set.

Louis surfs a lot more than Niall, and a lot better at that. While Niall can control boats, Louis can easily control his board and ride against the waves, completing a whole ride to and from the waves without wiping so many times like Niall. It's in his blood like sailing is within Niall's veins. And like Niall himself, Louis tends to make fun of him for wiping all the time—more than one should.

Niall takes a deep breath in as the waves roll in. There's always a shock up his spine as soon as he goes into the water. He'll never get used to the cold water of the Pacific Ocean. It's not something everyone likes, but to Niall, it makes him feel unearthly. The taste of salt lingers on his tongue as he licks his lips as the waves crash against his torso.  Even if he's not good like Louis, there's nothing better than being able to surf—besides sailing.

He could see the wave getting bigger as he paddled towards it. It would be stupid to miss this one. As the leash of the board is wrapped around his ankle, he's got less of a worry about losing his board. He's taken good care of it; sanding and waxing after each session, wanting to preserve his sky-blue Hollingsworth Lightning board. It was simple but really personalized by its 70s inspired design.

He pushes up off the board with his legs. He puts his left foot forward with his right foot keeping him balanced from the back. Already was the wave bringing him to the shore. It was a speed that always pumped his adrenaline and made him want to laugh and howl. Constantly did he keep his board swivelling left and right, his hand grazing against the wave, letting the waves carry him—leaving the sea with every sense of his trust with her.

He could tell Zayn wasn't a surfer like them. To Zayn, who was happy playing with Bono by the waves rolling into the beach, that was all more than okay. Whatever got him out and going, whatever felt right for everyone, he's happy that's what they're doing. Bono barely gets the opportunity to run around back home seeing how difficult it is for Niall to take care of Bono and constantly be out where having Bono would be too dangerous.

They could spend all day surfing. Niall and Louis tend to if they have a day off. It was only noon when Niall and Louis decided to call for a break and Zayn was sitting amongst the beached logs and woods that are all pushed off to the side near the forest cut. Beside him was Bono eating her dog food that Niall brought for her in a plastic bag. Zayn must have known the plastic bowls were for her.

"God, I love surfing." Niall combs his hair back from his face. He lays his board beside him before he could sit across Zayn. He never wore shorts then, certainly he doesn't have them on now either—the closest thing to have him show a bit of skin is cuffing his jeans, exposing his ankles. At least when he's not swimming. He's got shorts in the trunk.

Zayn grins at him as he picks through a bag of sunflower seeds, shells just at his feet.

"So Zayn, we're all guys here... Let's be real." Louis trudges down beside his friend with the seeds.

"Let's get real." Zayn nods. So does Niall, having little to no idea what's happening right now.

"Do you think Lani and I should date?"

Zayn grimaces immediately. "I don't know. Sure. But why does this concern me?"

"It doesn't. It's to make you reflect about dating Akane."

Niall didn't piece those two together. In fact, they don't relate to each other at all.

Zayn groans with his entire body sulking when Louis starts to talk again. Niall's busy zipping down his wetsuit until his torso shows.

"If you don't know, it means you're not certain. Which then means, break up with her." Louis explains. "Just drop her a line. Tell that bitch—"

"I can't just drop her some line two weeks after she left! The first line since we've seen each other." Zayn exclaims. "And don't say stuff like that.”

"Louis sort of does have a point." Niall sighs regrettably. He can already feel that he made a wrong choice to support Louis. "But it's also 'cause he really hates your girlfriend."

"What would you do?" Zayn asks.

"I would've left her a long time ago." Niall grins.

"Niall is a smart man who knows what he wants." Louis nods. "But he's also lonely so don't listen to what he says about love."

"Don't discredit me." Niall grimaces at Louis.

Niall knows love. He's had two long-term girlfriends so it's obvious he knows something about what they want, how to keep them happy, all the basic good stuff. And although they didn't work out, he can still qualify.

He may not have a sense of idea who he's talking to anymore but for everyone, it's universal—seeing the person you care about love someone else hurts in every way you wouldn't want to wish on anybody. "You'll tire out yourself trying to work this out. It's hard to fix something that's way beyond repair." He tells Zayn, whether or not he's listening to Niall.

He's holding Niall's gaze and nodding his head in response. Every physical aspect of him told Niall he was there. Then there was the distance in his eyes that told Niall the truth Zayn didn't want him or Louis to know. His face softened the longer he watched a part of Zayn die as Akane was still in his mind.

"Niall, that is so deep." Louis shakes his head in disbelief and Zayn's gaze shifted away, eyes blinking as if he just woke up. "Went fucking Dr. Phil on his ass."

At the same time, Niall turns his head to Louis, grinning in modestly. "Thanks."

"I'll think about it." Zayn sighs and nods firmly at Niall.

"Good." Louis smiles.

On the road back home, it was more peaceful compared to their exciting afternoon. It was 9 by the time they left Big Beach—exhausted and sunburnt by the scorching heat of the sun. Beside him was Louis who slept against the seatbelt, and Zayn who was in the backseat, texting away on his phone. It all seems so nice—having to drive back on a dark, quiet and scenic road with his music softly playing the background. But that's how it always is, isn't it? Before worse comes to worst, it's not something they would all expect in the comfortable silence.

"Hey." Zayn puffs loudly, forcing Niall to look at him from the mirror. He knows it's not for him, but the one on the other side of his phone call. "Yeah... No, I'm good... But... Can we talk?" He mumbles quietly.

Niall paid attention to the road, and would often look at Louis to see if he's still doing okay. He is—drooling is a good sign. There was nothing to stop his attention from dividing back to Zayn however. As his conversation grew in intensity, so did the volume of his voice.

They were right outside the Tofino sign; nearly 10 minutes away from Niall's place. They didn't make it there by the time Zayn and Akane started arguing. He parked his car offside to let Zayn out the car to continue his conversation, loud voices and all. Louis eventually woke up to Zayn pacing back and forth, arguing with Akane as to why they're not working, seeing as though they haven't been together in the first place.

In silence, they sat listening to Niall's playlist, waiting for Zayn to finish his conversation so they could go home. Niall wasn't in a rush; he never really had the time to sit in silence, share a cigarette with Louis while Tash Sultana plays. He barely smoked, and weed wasn’t something he got interested in.

"I always wonder why they ask blonde or brunette, but there's red heads and black heads." Niall exhales the smoke from the cigarette. Although he's been blond, he loves having his natural brown hair. "I don't even know if they say black heads."

"Black haired people always have nice hair. Look at Zayn." Louis replies quietly.

"Yeah." Niall agrees.

"You think he'll be fine?" Louis asks as he and Niall watch Zayn from their seats. If there's a way to just make it easier for him, Louis and Niall would do it in a heartbeat.

"No." Niall answers.

"Why not?"

"There's a part of him that still loves his girlfriend. Even if it is fucked between them." Niall mutters under his breath. It's normal.

"Where did this romantic side come from?"

Niall just laughs at Louis, leaving him unanswered.

The time finally came when Zayn finished his phone call. Niall and Louis straightened themselves out as Zayn buckled himself back in his seat. No one pried, no one asked, no one brought it up. Niall can tell by the silence that it's over.

* * *

**

Lani came with Niall to walk Bono in the afternoon. She hasn't found the time to hang out with Niall, only because her cousins were in town. They spent the entire week exploring the island, though there isn't much to do around Tofino that doesn't become repetitive until you hit the capital city of the province, and then you would be introduced to thousands of people. Sometimes uncomfortable, especially in the summer.

Niall has been there. He lived in the city earlier in his life when he was still in primary school. He can barely remember what it was like; and he can only imagine what changes it has gone through. He never really went back to visit when his whole family just decided to move here afterwards.

He adored his small town. Everyone knew each other by the face, and everything Niall needs is all in one place without the extravagancy of unneeded materialistic shops. Everything was local—nothing from corporate companies were here; they didn't need McDonald's or Tim Horton’s to function. There are far better things to have than chains who didn't do anything to benefit Tofino and the people living there.

And because it was a small town, everything spread so fast. As the sirens of the ambulance and fire trucks blared through the town, they all knew who it was going to be in a matter of minutes.

"They're heading to the beach." Lani watched the cars speed through the road.

They usually do. There's a lot of drowning incidents around here. It'll turn the town cold and quiet for a few days before things eventually turn back to normal—all except the person who's truly affected by it.

Arriving at the scene, they're met with a dozen people too. Mostly locals who Niall recognizes—Cher, the owner of his favourite bakery who sells amazing desserts, Jake who owns the coffee shop with great Americanos. And Louis?

"No, no, no!" A voice begged with anguish. As the sound of the man's screaming erupted, Niall's eyes widened. "That's my brother."

"Fuck." Lani exhales loudly all of the sudden.

Niall rushed to a very distressed Zayn, leaving Bono with Lani. Louis was on the phone while it was all happening; knowing him well, he must be calling Zayn's parents.

"Zayn, Zayn, Zayn..." Niall repeated as he held Zayn's shoulders. He grabbed his hand too—held it painfully tight for Zayn's sake. "Breathe."

"That's my brother!" He starts to sob.

"He's okay." Niall assured him. Niall turned around to watch the paramedics pump oxygen in him through a mask. Niall knows it. He believes it.

"Please, help him." Zayn groaned through his tears. Niall needed to breathe too—it was nerve wracking hearing Zayn cry with so much fear. He understood that; Niall wasn't going to stop him.

With Haider hoisted up on the gurney, they wheeled him in the back of the ambulance. There was no time to waste, yet it all felt so casual like it was some training program. It's far from it.

Niall pulled Zayn's arm just to get him to move. He needed to be in there for his brother, even if he's in shock. Just like he thought, the paramedics led Zayn to the front seat before she joined the back and shut the door. They must have known Zayn wouldn't cope so well sitting in there with his near-drowned brother.

They cleared within seconds; sirens blaring through the town to make way. Louis was done with the phone call by the time everything cleared. He has disbelief written all over his face.

"He hit his head somewhere and fell unconscious. His friend saw him just in time." Louis explains to Lani and Niall. "His mom will be expecting them there and their dad is on his way."

"Did you guys just get here?"

"We were hanging out around here. Zayn didn't even know his brother would be here."

"This is horrible." Lani holds her forehead as she pushes her curls back.

"Let's meet him there." Niall beckons with his head. He was already walking backwards.

They were only five minutes away. Easily, they'll be able to walk there to support Zayn. He couldn't imagine the feeling of having a family member disappearing like that on him—especially someone so young.

He would appreciate Louis being there for him. They've been best friends for so long, even through all the distance Zayn put between them all these years. If Lani did it for him, he would never forget it.

The hospital reminds him of a horror movie. It brings him back to those scenes where the character is surrounded by the colour white—lights, floor, walls, clothing even—it made him uncomfortable just watching Resident Evil. It also intrigued him like an airport. It was a place that many people were at, but it gave off that feeling of specialty. At the same time, it was a place that you knew you didn't belong in without reason.

The hospital was small. Tofino doesn't have a lot of people living in town to have a hospital be ten stories tall. It looked like a clinic. The size made it particularly easy to find Zayn sitting on the lobby, his leg shaking, face hot red, and eyes all puffy from crying. Louis was the first one to holler at Zayn—who looked so relieved to see his friend.

"How's he doing?" Louis offers Zayn a tight-lipped smile.

"He's... Fine." He sighs loudly. "They've got a tube in for oxygen. He's hypothermic so they're slowly warming him up and helping with the concussion as well."

"Has your dad come in yet?" Niall asks.

"No. My mom is with my brother right now though."

"Do you need anything?" Louis asks.

"I'm fine." Zayn shakes his head. "Thanks for coming by."

"It was Niall's idea." Louis gestures to Niall who lifts a brow.  "I wasn't sure if you wanted anybody here."

"I did." He draws out shakily. "I was freaking out."

They all knew it, from the way he shakes his head, exhaling shaky breaths every few seconds. He couldn't even look at anybody. There wasn't anything they could do at that moment until Zayn's dad arrive. The important part is they stayed, and that Haider will be okay.

They were two brothers that the whole town adored. Zayn and Haider were just inseparable while everyone was still here, still young and naïve. Zayn would always take his little brother anywhere—from the ice cream shop to the beach where they used to hang around all the time. Zayn knew how to swim. It's almost mandatory living in Tofino. Although, he knew how amongst the many people here, he didn't go swimming much or know how to surf. They just enjoyed each other's company.

And everyone would think Zayn would have visited so often. He didn't. Now they were left off in a place that nobody knew but Zayn and Haider themselves. And Niall only knew a part of the truth that he's not sure if it's something to remember. Niall can't pretend they didn't date—because when they did, he can remember lots of memories like how Zayn raved on about missing Haider once he leaves for university after a year.

**

* * *

 They all gave Zayn space after that day. The last thing they told him was if he needed anything, he shouldn't feel hesitant to ask them. And it's been two weeks since they last saw him.

Niall believed Louis' entire plans this summer revolved around Zayn, and he wasn't here at all. They understood that—nothing they can't endure—or Louis, mostly. That's his best friend who disappeared from town for six years. His endurance is strong.

Since Louis had so much time, Niall finally brought him along his sailing trips. They were sailing around Templar Channel Sound with Lani's dad's bigger sail boat, the _Saviour_ —a 7' wooden Pachena by Japersen boat builders with a 51' beam and 14' draft. It was a far better boat than Niall's. He has it maintained with great upgrades from a new helm wheel, LED tri-colour lights, anchor and radar system, ground tackle, sails, propulsion and more than what Niall can see without opening up the boat.

It was more like a cruising sail ship so there wasn't a lot of labour behind releasing the mainsail and jib. They were cruising slowly, different from Niall's trips where he's always rushing against the waves. He only goes on slow cruises when there's more than two people on the boat or if he's sailing with Lani sometimes.

Is it a clever idea to have Louis and Lani together on the same boat, knowing fully well that Louis has feelings for Lani? For one thing, Niall sitting by himself with a cigarette. That answers that question.

It answers a lot of questions that Niall didn't need answering. It was a slow process he didn't think would pick up so fast. Maybe it was the trips with Lani. Yup, it was totally the trips they went on for the last few weeks.

Third wheeling has made him so uncomfortable, he's enjoying his late-night shifts at work. They weren't dating per se—just ignoring Niall whenever he's around because their company to each other is all that matters. It was good to get some alone time; irritable Niall isn't nice to deal with at all. Especially when it comes to customer service. He needs a lot of that when his whole bar is full of people and they all feel the need to have a conversation with him.

By the time eleven hit, the late rush of the restaurant cleared, and they were left with four tables and an empty bar. Until Zayn came. There were 9 seats left.

"Hi!" Niall was actually surprised to see Zayn. In a good way.

"Hey." Zayn laughs quietly. He looks a lot better now.

"How's Haider?" Niall starts to prepare him a drink. It was the last thing he ordered here from Niall—a short double dark rum in coke. Still weird.

"He's good." Zayn nods. "Resting well."

"What he should be doing, yeah?"

"Mmhmm." Zayn hums. "How about you?"

"So far so good. One piece." Life hasn't changed up on him too much.

As soon as he was finished, he put it over the counter for Zayn.

"Thanks again for taking me along your trip to Ucluelet." That was weeks ago.

"No trouble at all."

"I hope Louis didn't pressure you or anything." Actually, he did.

"All I had planned that day was to sleep in. I wasn't going to miss anything." Niall grins. Although, he misses not doing anything.

"That's the life, though. I think you've got a nice one." Zayn explains.

"How so?" Niall laughs under his breath. He never thought it was great, but it wasn't horrible either. Just like many people, there's a lot missing in his life he can't pinpoint.

"You've got a slow life. All the time in the world and you do what you love."

"But I never move." Niall winces. "I haven't done anything new that I haven't done yesterday or the day before."

"I like it."

"The newest thing, actually, is that you're back."

"I didn't think to come back." Zayn tells him. "But with all the stuff that was happening with my ex and work, missing my family hit me so hard."

"I get that. And it's good to have you back. For Louis' sake."

"How about you?" Zayn lifts a brow.

"Well..." Niall starts to stammer and sputter, causing Zayn to laugh. "We barely know each other."

Zayn narrowed his eyes at Niall; he must've thought he was stupid. "We dated. Always used to skip fourth to come over my place and hang."

"For four months. And we barely spoke to each other. Had real conversations." Niall explains. Was he the only one aware of that?

"Why did we date then?" Zayn laughs.

"I found you attractive and you found me to die for." Niall exaggerates for the hell of it.

"So you used me for my looks?"

"No!" Niall exclaims. "Popularity." He's joking at this point.

"Oh, fuck—you really thought I was good with everyone back in high school?"

"Not really. Lani hates you." Niall pouts.

"I was really dumb back then. I know I did stupid shit but I'm really mature now."

"You crashed Lani's dad's car."

"Total accident. I had an idiot teaching me how to drive." The idiot was Louis' cousin Daniel. He's in the UK now, doing who knows what. "But I drink fucking coke and rum. I'm practically an adult."

Niall starts to laugh at Zayn. "That's a baby drink, mate." Niall turns back and reaches for Crown Royal. He puts the bottle in front of Zayn who shakes his head. "Take it fully neat."

Zayn scoffs as he puts the bottle back over to Niall's side. "I'd rather die."

He grabs it by the neck, quickly pulling away. "Whiskey isn't that bad."

"Take one with me." Zayn raises his eyebrows.

"Drinks are on you then?" Niall starts to laugh even harder, already pouring whiskey into two shot glasses.

It was easy to get Zayn to agree to the hard whiskey shots that made both their faces twist and throats clench. The hardest part is getting the both of them to stop after three shots, after the restaurant already closed. The kitchen has already closed, Amy the one server here has already cleaned up tables.

It only took Niall several minutes to clean the bar down and the shot glasses they used to fill the whiskey and liquor in. He did it all with his hazy vision and dull mind. If someone asked him to go streaking, there's a chance he would be convinced through the mention of food. It would be easy just like that.

By the time they got to Niall's place, they both collapsed on his couch. Niall let his arm reach over his coffee table to drop the take-out container in his hand. He isn’t sure why he brought Zayn over—he lives a couple of minutes away from Sobo. And he didn’t ask to stay over either.

Kitchen leftovers meant he and Zayn were going to be eating just about two orders of steak nachos from the restaurant, one for each of them. Seeing as how this is his ex from high school, he's lucky if he doesn’t remember a thing tonight.

"So, I still don't believe you dated me for popularity." Zayn shakes his head. He reaches for Niall's last piece of his nachos and misses. "You're too humble."

"Fine." Niall rolls his eyes. "I actually used you for your face. Don't feel bad."

"I'm flattered." Zayn smiles widely while he holds Niall's chin.

There's three things Niall has learned about drunk Zayn.

  1. He eats a lot


  1. He's an idiot


  1. He's very touchy



The couch was wide enough, so they can sit apart at least a few inches away from each other. He realized once he left to put away the containers were they practically sitting on each other instead. Half their torso would be on the other torso interchangeably as they were leaning back on the couch. It wasn't what Niall expected to happen tonight.

He didn't expect anything to happen tonight. Just the typical drunk and unintelligible conversations about life as it is. He didn't start this night with a thought that something between them is going to spark. At this time, if he didn't bring Zayn along to sober up back in his house, he would be asleep, knowing the next day he's going to have a bit of a headache.

Maybe he's reading too much into it. That's just how Zayn is when it comes to interaction. The closer he gets with someone, the more comfortable he feels to tease them with their faces.

His head is feeling a little bit better. He can still feel himself being hypersensitive to almost everything around him. Everyone thinks their vision gets all blurry when they're drunk. For Niall, it just gets really magnified. It might just be that he needs to wear his glasses.

"Oh, is this you?" Zayn got up from the couch and walked over to the table by the stairs where Niall had photos and a small collection of books. He holds up a photo from Niall's drawer of little Niall sitting on a bench. Niall went up to him just to see the photo a bit closer.

"Who else would it be?" Niall asks with the two of them looking down at his table full of framed photographs.

"I don't know. Maybe you've got photos of Louis lying around." Zayn shrugs.

"Idiot." Niall laughs as he looks up at Zayn's face and his eyes flutter back down.

And the one thing that's hard for Niall is to ignore how close they were standing in front of each other. He didn't realize until he looked up from his table full of photos that Zayn's face is only inches apart from his. He couldn't completely look up at him; he's afraid of what would happen if he did. He knows himself to know what will happen, and knows even looking down won't save him from having the same idea as Zayn who's slowly leaning closer. And Niall is slowly tilting his head into it without realizing.

"Can I?" He asks quietly. His hand held Niall's nape just before he can nod as his answer.

It started off slow; unsure where this would go the longer they kissed, and the harder Niall pushed his mouth. It feels all so familiar; remembering all the times that they were alone in silence, it was just kissing and touching they had between each other. In Niall's room where they'd skip class to go to, they'd be there the entire afternoon. That's what their four-month relationship was—making out until they got bored which was rare in its case.

And it helped that they were still sort of drunk from the whiskey shots. As for mobility, they couldn't move upstairs to his bed without tripping, but they made it there in the least—clothes on the floor with sweat on each other's back.

* * *

 Niall woke up to his head drumming, his whole body feeling way too heavy to pick himself up. He didn't think last night was going to lead to them nearly fucking for the first time in their lives. They went through a series of mutual blowjobs and handjobs the entire night. And he loved every minute of it; the twisted feeling between their legs, the moaning, the sweat, licking his neck and biting his ear—he's never felt so close to the point of telling Zayn he misses him when he's only thought about him once after he's left.

It lasted for a short while but every minute of it was worth it. There were laughs and biting in between. Most importantly, he liked the heavy breaths they shared between their mouths. It all happened so fast, really. But most relationships made in the night are. That's not something he can change.

There were all sorts of doubt by the end of the night from Niall. All he had to look at was Zayn's back, all bare and warm—ink all over his arms and neck. The only place his touch found was his shoulder arm where he softly caressed his skin until Niall's eyes fell shut.  In the night as they slept, Niall had even wrapped up an extra blanket around their shoulders from the sharp frigid air from outside. And Zayn smelled soft as always. It drove Niall silently mad.

He was such a light sleeper. Even intoxicated, he was able to use half his senses to somehow wake himself up and see what's moving around him. But there was the other half that made him feel so tired. It was like he was in the middle of amnesia when he felt the bed weakly shake and his hair was being combed through with a hand. Easily, he could say it was Zayn, but Niall slept through three dreams, reality was out the door.

And now that he's awake, reading a note left right beside his pillow, he doesn't really want to remember anything at all.

_Hey Niall,_

_It was fun hanging out with you last night. I hope we could just continue being friends after this. If you wanna talk about it, just let me know._

_See you._

"Fuck." Niall groans. He turns his face towards his pillow and drowns his voice into it until he's asleep again.

* * *

 Niall didn't consider what happened until he actually woke up at noon. He picked up the note, read it four times just to see if every time he read, his mind was just making up words. In the end, the note eventually found itself at the foot of the garbage can.

He wasn't looking forward to being anything with him. They were already friends—more like acquaintances—so there wasn't a need to mention it once again. But god forbid, he made it sound like last night was a regret; even though Niall read the somehow, very disappointing words written down saying it was fun. How's he supposed to look at his previous ex-boyfriend and still currently titled friend Zayn when his mind would always go back to last night's games? Note to self: don't get drunk with Zayn ever again.

His bad mood carried on through the weekend. When he went out sailing, he went by himself—took his racing boat instead. He always has those days where he felt like going alone and he was fine. But this was to release his annoyance with Zayn who he had no thought or opinion of until now. He nearly crashed into a boat; it was that bad. It was at the last second he was able to maneuver away.

And Zayn must've started going out again when Louis stopped asking him and Lani to go out. Now it was back to him and Lani, sailing, drinking beer, going out for food—just like the old days.

"I have a question." Lani asks while she traces her finger on the glass of water on their table.

"What's up?"

"Does Louis like me?"

Niall stared at her long enough for Lani to know the answer. However, Niall had to convince her the opposite.

"No."

"Bullshit." Lani exclaims. "Guys are so easy to read, it's insane."

"Why do you even care? You like him?" Niall grimaces.

"Sometimes." She answers.

"Sometimes? What kind of an answer is that?" It was either reject the idea that you like the person or proclaim that you do. There is no sometimes.

"Only when we're alone. When he's with his friends, he changes into a jerk."

"You don't need that."

"I know. I'm basically waiting it out, see if he changes."

"Sure." Niall answers flatly and abruptly as he nods in disbelief.

It was obvious he's still annoyed after three days. Lani hasn't done anything to make it worse, and it's surely not her fault that he's pissed at Zayn, mostly pissed at himself for sleeping with him in the first place.

"You good?" She asks casually.

"Yeah."

"Because I'm reading your aura and it's not healthy."

"How?" Lani has a new interest recently and it has something to do with tarot cards and magic crystals. Niall found it intriguingly weird. But he won't question it—Lani doesn’t ask him why he collects various kinds of socks.

"Intuition." She answers.

"Do you really wanna know?"

"I asked, didn't I?"

"Alright." Niall let out a deep breath. "Me and Zayn hooked up."

Lani's face twists into disgust. Niall can already feel her judgement. "Oh my god. Dude. You haven't learned anything from your relationship back in high school?"

"It's not like that. I know." Niall groans deeply from his chest. There isn't anything he can do to change what happened. "We aren't dating anyway. And it's been six years since I've seen him. We've changed. Less stupider."

"Stupider." Lani repeats as she snorts. "You already prove my point."

They sat there, discussing everything but Zayn, who they now both dislike. Although, Niall couldn't dislike him more than Lani can.

Eventually, peace settled in Niall's chest after many days of sailing solo. There were days the weather was too horrendous to sail or be out, so he was at home, making schematics for boat upgrades he wants to put in. Sometimes, the rain on the island shows no mercy and rips through boats like nothing, tears the roots out of trees from the wet soil if the wind was horrible as well. The worst thing he's heard is flooding. Luckily, it hasn't happened for years.

Since there was barely any wind today, he anchored a mile away from the beach. He had with him for a perfect afternoon was a thermos of plain old roasted brown rice tea, roast beef sandwiches, speakers to play his music, Bono, and a book—The Chrysalids. That's all he had planned for himself this afternoon.

Not until Niall got a text from Louis as he was in the middle of taking a bite out of his sandwich. Suddenly, it drops down to the floor of the boat and Niall is immediately hissing to himself.

 **Louis 2:31** You and Zayn fucked?????!!!!!

 **Niall 2:44** He told you?

He texts back, hoping he didn't sound desperate to keep it a secret.

That fucking idiot.

 **Louis 2:50** Yeah. I didn't expect this at ALL!

 **Niall 3:00** I'd rather not talk about it.

 **Louis 3:02** Oh dude. If it makes you feel better, he likes hanging out with you.

 **Niall 3:05** You guys had a conversation about this??????

Question marks galore! He couldn't believe they spoke about this. Niall didn't even say much to Lani. What could Zayn have possibly told Louis enough to make him text him after a week?

 **Louis 3:08** Yeah. He told me how you guys drank that night. It happens, you know? But he just got out of a relationship. He's a nice guy. Won't use you like that.

 **Niall 3:12** It's fine. I really don't care anymore. We barely know each other.

 **Louis 3:16** Good. Anyways!! I gotta babysit the twins this evening. Please help me.

 **Niall 3:17** Go ask Zayn

 **Louis 3:21** He's got a family thing to go to

 **Niall 3:23** Fine, man. You owe me

 **Louis 3:27** Thanks bae!!!!!!!

Niall pockets his phone and looks down between his legs where his sandwich is. He huffs in annoyance, picking up his lunch and throwing it up in the air for the seagulls to attack or dive for—depends on how fast they are.

It doesn't take a second for them to notice. It's like an instinct, an intuition—sorcery for them to already fly towards his boat for the sandwich and shit all over _Andromeda_.

Great.

* * *

 When he's knocking on Louis' door, it was just after his shower. His hair is still wet, and he smells fresh like Old Spice. Louis opens the door without a hi, turning his attention right back to his twin sisters in the living room. They were screaming _Louis! Louis!_ He can feel the floor shaking as they ran around, probably wanting Louis to chase after them.

"Hey, girls! Guess who's here?" Louis exclaims. Right on time, Niall walks into the room just as he finished taking his shoes off.

"Niall!" They shouted cheerfully. He couldn't help but laugh and crouch down to their height where they ambush him with hugs. They've got the reddest hair Niall's ever seen, it's crazy to him. Not even his cousin Ella can compare.

Sasha has a tougher face than her sister Stella who has a softer look. That's how Niall can usually tell them apart, minus Sasha's cute crush on him where she always draws pictures of him and his favourite things—his boat, his dog, and Sasha herself.

"Hey, Niall, you know what I had for lunch today?" Sasha asks him as she tugs on his sleeve.

"No. What did you have?" Niall turns his hand, so his palm is exposed for her to stop tugging his sleeve and start slapping his palm.

"Candied yams!" She giggles and runs off to the living room.

"That sounds so good." He hasn't had it in so long.

He follows Louis to the living room where they'll probably be watching the kids from there.

"It was actually carrots." Louis snickers quietly.

Awful as that sounds, candied anything sounds good, as long as the idea to candy a certain vegetable made sense. Although, kids shouldn't be eating that much sugar, should they?

To distract them for the afternoon, Louis decides to put on Disney movies for them. First, they went with Princess and the Frog. Fifteen minutes after the end, all the twins kept doing was making ribbit sounds. It pissed Louis off greatly so he put on Mulan so at least whatever the twins say, it'll be great. All the quotes and songs from the movie are a classic.

Until they had come up with a fun idea to play with makeup. Niall doesn't mind the use of makeup, but it wasn't his thing. Children's makeup made his face feel heavy and thick with some oily substance. The twins aren't even using actual makeup, but some play set bought at the toy store. Is that even safe?

"Please, please, please!" Stella begs Niall as she holds her red lipstick. Their aunt bought them a makeup kit, filled with lots of sticky pink and red colours.

Niall can already see how this will all turn out as he stares at Louis glaring at him—face smothered with red and pink colours.

"This will look pretty on you!" Sasha giggles loudly and brings a pink lipgloss close to his lips.

Suddenly, there was a knock on the door. Niall shot up like an elevator, and bolted to the door. It was already deep into the evening; it must be Louis' parents. He opened the door with his mouth open in surprise. Zayn's here? Holding pizza? Why?

"Oh!" Zayn gasps quietly. "Uh. I didn't know you were here."

"Babysitting with Louis..." Niall's voice extends until it falters into silence. He looks at the orange and pink sky of the evening, finding more comfort there than where he is now—right in front of Zayn who he slept with, drowned in whiskey because that was such a smart decision on everyone.

"He texted me to come over with pizza." That explains the box. But he really did step out of a family occasion to get Louis pizza? Nice friend.

Niall scratches his head, moving away from the door. "I'll, uh, leave you to it." He starts walking back in, leaving the door open for Zayn to come in.

"Niall," He says in a stutter. Niall turns around so fast. "I don't want it to be awkward between us."

"It's not. We aren't really... Together. Doesn't matter." Niall shrugs a shoulder. "Don't stress about it."

"That's not my point. I think I went about moving on way too fast and I freaked out that morning when I realized what I was doing. It was all on me."

It stayed quiet for exactly ten seconds where Niall spent the whole time trying to get himself to understand Zayn. Louis yelled from the other room for the pizza but neither of them budged from their spot. They just laughed quietly. As much as he wanted to dislike Zayn for it all, Louis was right—he's a nice guy who's going through a lot right now. At least that's what he's telling himself. "Do you wanna talk about it or something?"

"You would do that?" Zayn asks, eyebrows raised, eyes wider than normal.

"Yeah." Niall replies nonchalantly. "It helps when you do.” When he and his exes broke up, he had nobody to talk to about it besides Lani who was attending university three hours away from him. The only thing that he got were twenty minute phone calls and text messages in the evening.

Zayn lets out a deep breath and nods at him with a grin. "I'll let you know when I figure it all out."

"You know where I live.”

Between the beach and the forest of pine trees and evergreens, ten minutes from town, living in a way too big home all by himself with a very calm dog who loves sleeping on his bed.

"Pizza! Now!" Louis shouts right behind Niall.

* * *

 Everything was beginning to feel a lot more normal again—a new routine that feels all so familiar, bringing certainty and ease in his mind. Once Lani realized Louis' feelings for her were present, dates between Niall and her became a group of three again when she invited Louis along. At least she asked permission to do so before she actually invites him. That helped Niall to decide and say yes to most of her requests to have him join them.

The more they went out together, the more he accepted that there's truly something between them that he can't be bitter over. From time to time, it was nice to see them in their own world. They both loved skateboarding; Louis would always make a bet knowing he'd lose just to see and hear Lani laugh at his antics. Niall would just laugh because Louis is an obvious idiot who can't see what's obvious.

And there was something else new to him too that warmed his heart in a good way where he knows everyone's happy. Zayn's presence grew more and more as they all spent more time together. He was heavily balancing his time between friends and family, so he couldn't always be there. When he was, it felt nice to have someone have a laugh with at someone else's expenses. And by that, he means Louis' awful flirting.

He and Zayn haven't spoken about what happened a few weeks ago. It kind of came up in the air, and quickly disappeared. He never brought it up, and neither did Zayn. They were just at that point of being good friends who are comfortable with each other without addressing the elephant in the room. When Louis and Lani are together, Zayn and Niall would back off and let magic take its course by keeping to themselves. They would be far enough for Niall and Zayn to take short videos of them shamelessly flirting like a bunch of kids who're scared of admitting their feelings.

And that would mean Niall's ability to easily see Zayn reading old conversations between him and Akane sometimes before he would scroll back down to the most recent message which is from two weeks ago. Niall keeps his mouth shut about what he sees, but eventually tries to subtly pull Zayn away from breaking his own heart.

Luckily, there was a party good enough to do that today. Their mutual friend Aiden was hosting at his house—drinks provided and all.

By the time they arrived, people were already taking over the couch, yelling and cheering battleship coordinates. There was a game of Battleshots happening in the kitchen made with Pizza boxes. It was really creative.

With the drinks all out in the open, it was hard to keep the temptations away from him and Zayn. Getting drunk together shouldn't even be on his agenda, but it was there. Niall wondered if Zayn is thinking the same thing he is—would getting drunk together just lead to them having sex again? There wasn't a choice but to get drunk for the sake of healing. It wasn't bad, but it wasn't good either.

They played shot roulette after they generated a bit of a tipsy head with two beers. Niall had 12 shots laid out on the table: six shots of tequila, six shots of water. It was going to be fun. Niall can tell because Zayn's let his whole guard down—throwing his arm around Niall's shoulder, bringing his other arm across Niall's chest. He was locked in. But that's all what Niall wants—for Zayn to be comfortable with friends. Even if he has to get alcohol in his system to feel so. One day, he won't need it anymore.

"Hurry up." Niall grimaces at Zayn in disbelief. It's been a minute, and he's still deciding which glass to choose. "I gotta piss!"

"How are you gonna skip out mid-game?" Zayn huffs.

"Easy. Walking." Niall cackles at his answer. Not but seriously... He needs to go right now.

Niall rushes to the bathroom which happens to be a long trip. Eventually, he makes it there, locking the door behind him, just to turn around and see this guy sleeping against the tub.

He was passed out cold that had Niall worrying. He crouched by next to him, wondering how he can bring his head down without scaring him. There was a small smile on Niall's face as he looked at the passed-out man who's got a really nice face. A new face. A tourist?

Oh, way to go, Niall. Nice face? That's it? How descriptive.

"Uh..." Niall grumbles to himself and pulls the man's chin down, his head hanging over his chest.

Good.

And... He falls over. Spoke too soon.

"Oh fuck!" Niall hisses under his breath. "Umm..." This looks really bad. At least he's still breathing. "Wake up!"

"Five more minutes." The man grumbles.

Niall sighs and stands up. "At least you're alive."

Suddenly, there's a groan from him as he's pushing himself up. "Why wouldn't I—" he starts off raising his voice before blinking to clear his vision. And his face lightens up when he sees the toilet.

"Ohhh." He nods continuously until he looks up at Niall who's got an eyebrow raised. Well, good—he can see his eyes. They were soft looking with light brown and flickers of gold. They were different that Niall knew he wasn't just Caucasian—Japanese maybe.

"Thanks? I think? For waking me up." He wipes his face, and pushes his hair back from his forehead.

"You should be. You could've been dying."

"I had seven tequila shots. I'm already on the verge." He puffs in a short laugh and smiles. "I think. Might've been eight."

"Don't look for death tonight." Niall says with his arms crossed.

"I feel death right now. Messing my brains up." He grimaces and holds his eyes shut. "Why are you here anyway?"

"I came to piss." Which reminds him—he really needs to go. How did he hold it all this time?

The man blinks quickly. He must've not expected that. Though he should—they're in the bathroom. "Oh, don't let me stop you."

"You did. I have to piss really badly."

"Then go."

"Right." Can't forget that. He starts unzipping his pants as he heads to the toilet. "Don't peek at my butt if you see it."

He starts to laugh. God, he looks like such a wreck. "You're an idiot."

"Oh cool, you find me endearing." Niall smiles to himself. How was he able to talk to him like this so easily and confidently as he's pissing? Oh right, he's already got two beers and a shot in him.

"Five tequila shots will change a man." He lets out a deep breath before stretching his arms up in the air. He was wearing a very simple white t-shirt that fit his shoulders very well and hung loosely at the same time.

"I thought it was seven." Niall adjusts his pants back up, flushing the toilet afterwards.

By the time Niall's got his hands washed, he realized there wasn't any response, given the ten second silence. He turns around to the man leaning awkwardly on the wall with his eyes shut and head bowed down. All of the sudden, he falls forward with Niall swooping just in time to hold him up.

"Hey now." Niall speaks quietly; arm wrapped around his torso. The guy was pretty heavy and inches taller than him so it felt awkward holding him from face planting the floor. Maybe he's just weak. "Let's sit."

He tries his best to set him down without dropping him high off the ground. They lean against the wall, shoulder to shoulder with man's head on Niall's shoulder.

"Eight." He eventually says. He must mean eight shots.

Laughing quietly, he pulls his phone out from his pocket to text Zayn.

 **Niall 10:20** come to the bathroom with Gatorade

 **Zayn 10:23** Are u puking already???

 **Niall 10:25** no. theres a dude drunk in here

 **Zayn 10:27** On my way!  
i mean omw. im not that excited

"Saw your butt when you were peeing." He stifled in a laugh.

His attention peeled off his phone and returned to the man leaning against him. Smiling to himself, he tried not to let this get to him. It was just a moment in life any adult has in their early 20s. Anyone can agree being drunk in a bathroom brings a weird sensation. Maybe it's the fact that no one thinks the bathroom as a place to slow down unless you were taking a shower. It's actually the perfect place to be alone.

And he was alone with this guy that made him feel like it's okay to be hopeful about something that may or may not happen. What's the worse that can happen? He and this guy just stays friends? Niall needed more of them.

So did Zayn. He came at the right time with a red Gatorade in hand, and another one tucked right under his arm—blue this time, and half-empty. He looked like he was going to pass out himself if he didn't give himself a head-start drinking some electrolytes. He crouched down to level with them, and began to poke the very drunk man's cheek until his eyes opened.

"Zayn?" He whispers. Niall immediately looked at Zayn to see if he's just as surprised as he is. Niall tried to turn without shaking the man beside him too much to see if he would recognize him too. But it seemed like this was a moment between them as he watched Zayn's face tense in shock.

"Ethan." His name eventually came out. "It's been so long."

"How do you know each other?" Niall dared himself to ask, even if it felt like he was intruding on a moment. There was something about the broken, yet endeared expression on Zayn's face that gave him the answer to a question no one wanted to hear.

In someway, he didn't feel as close to Zayn as he did compared to Ethan.

They dated.

* * *

 After the party, Zayn spent the whole walk home to Niall's place explaining who Ethan was. It seemed like a delicate topic that wouldn't have come up if neither of them were drunk. Again. Over water and cold pizza at Niall's house, he learns Ethan isn't new to Tofino—he lived here from 9th grade up until the 12th. He came back from a long trip in Japan, settling down for the moment before he decides what to do next. It seems like Niall's the only one who hasn't found the opportunity to leave the island. Everyone else has. But nobody would be left to take care of the house. He couldn't leave it—he knows how important it means to his mother—even if she retired back in Ireland.

It was all awkward after they realized who each other was. Niall felt the mood of the bathroom completely fall when Zayn tried to lend a helping hand to Niall who wanted to help Ethan out himself. Zayn was captivated by him—like Ethan was a big effect to his life. Previously and still is from this moment. That's how first love is—they're always there in some way, a part of your life even when you think they're not.

Eventually, Zayn left before Niall could. He was left to hang with Ethan until he was sober enough to stay standing. His friends found him after an hour, and took him home. He must've puked his whole night out.

Luckily, Ethan was very drunk to have shared his number with Niall. If sober, he would have probably made him beg. Or worse—have him flirt to the point he'll start to sound like a senior fraternity idiot hitting on first years. He wasn't sure if he'd proceed with it knowing that he and Zayn used to be lovers, while Niall and Zayn were also a less than significant thing back in high school.

For the first time this mid afternoon, Zayn's finally gone sailing with Niall and Louis. As usual, they took their time navigating the islands around the channel before turning back to dock. Neither of them do much but walk around, sit, touch something they don't know and ask about it. Now they were talking about Ethan.

"He's an ass." Louis shakes his head.

"Now, hold on." Niall joins in on the discussion, confused as shit. "What?" That's not what he sensed from him or Zayn that night. "You said you guys dated for two years right after we broke up."

Just as Zayn was about to explain, Louis cuts in.

"Zayn missed the part where he and Ethan had the shittiest relationship."

"Shitty how?"

"Like, shitty that it was fucking perfect. I'm talking about 'defied all odds' perfect." Louis explains. Zayn was at the side grimacing at what he was hearing. "Shitty that Ethan called it off, left the island without a goodbye, and never came back. Until now."

"Oh fuck." Niall exhales. He felt his own heart twist in pain. He wouldn't wish that on anybody.

Louis suddenly turns to Zayn. "Wait. Is that why you left?"

"Whatever reason you're thinking, it's not that, I promise." Zayn holds his hands up in defence. "I left to work with event coordinators my mom worked with. I told you that."

"And..." Louis pauses. "Are you leaving for more gigs?"

"I'm taking a break." Zayn shrugs.

"Really big coincidence that you're both back." Niall says quietly.

"It's not a sign, alright." Louis scolds Zayn.

"I've gotten through it." Zayn assures Louis with a nod and grin. "I'm done with Akane and I've been done with Ethan."

Louis looks at Niall in utter disbelief at Zayn. They don't talk about Ethan again—Niall doesn't really want to. Anchoring miles off the coast, they took a lunch break with the sandwiches Louis made for them.

"Hey Niall, can you come by and help me babysit my sisters again?" Louis asks with a bite of his sandwich still popping out from his cheek.

"Sorry, mate. I'm going out."

Louis looked at him suspiciously. He knew if Niall was going out with Lani, he would've said so. And Louis would know if Zayn and him were going to go out. Although it was unlikely since he still wasn't ready to date, and Niall wasn't interested. They were friends, and that's the end.

Louis' face lights up, grinning at Niall as he was hanging off the wire railing with his other hand holding his lunch. "With who? One of those tourists? The girl from Oregon? I saw her today.”

"I'm not saying. We're only hanging out.”

"That's cute." Zayn laughs.

"Yeah. Better than babysitting." Niall turns from the wheel to smirk back at Zayn.

"It's not like I'm invited, darling Niall." Zayn gushes as he reaches over Niall's right shoulder to pinch his cheek.

"I can ask." Niall lifts a brow.

"No need, Capitàn. I'll take the reigns on babysitting Louis this time. He cries more than Stella and Sasha."

Louis pitches his sandwich at Zayn. "Fuck you." He completely misses, spilling open the roast beef, roasted red onions, pesto sauce, and ciabatta bread, right on Niall's deck.

"Seriously?" Niall exclaims.

* * *

 He made Louis clean his boat as soon as they docked. Fucking crazy how he snapped so easily. Niall had to leave before Louis even finished. He had to go home and get ready for tonight. It wasn't a date; but getting a personal invite to a beach party made it seem like it was. It felt wrong to go, but he knew he wouldn't let it go any farther.

Sunset came late as 9:30. They lit the massive pit at 10. Before that, everyone else was already drinking their hearts out. All but Ethan who stuck with the lightest thing there is—cider.

Yeah, Ethan was the one who invited him. It was after Zayn left the bathroom that night of the party. He didn't think it was serious between them. Deep down, however, Niall did. But it was years ago—sometimes those things don't matter anymore, like he and Zayn. They barely acknowledge dating one another. And it wasn't his fault Zayn left out the details that they were fucking lovers for two years before Ethan decided to call it quits. He already told Ethan he would come tonight—that's why he was here.

Ethan has lots of friends. All of the people here _are_ Ethan's friends. They were awesome people who had set their foot in life so early on. So many of them already owned condos and houses of their own. And they were only 20 or 22. They were old enough that it seems like they should all have it like that. If it wasn't for his family who built the house up from scrap, paid the house off through hard labour, he wouldn't have it all together at 24. He still doesn't.

"And you said you were Niall, yeah?" Tim asked. He was one of the many friends Ethan has who lived here before. He moved to Victoria, and came back for the summer. Their paths have never crossed with each other until now.

Niall hums in agreement.

"Heard lots about you. Didn't have a face to connect the stories." He asks.

"What have you heard?" If none of them have anything to do with the water, it's a lie.

"Love the town so much, you never left. Dedicated sailor at that too."

"Got everything I need here." Niall shrugs contently.

"Isn't there a place you wanna visit?" Ethan jumps in.

"Haven't found anything better than home."

"I bet you, you will." Ethan assures for him. "That's how I felt before I went back to Japan for the first time."

As much as Niall wanted to go travelling, visit Ireland after 9 years, there was no reason to leave. His friends were here, and they found comfort and home here too. They all left and eventually came back. It's only a matter of time before they leave, only to come back here again.

The later it got into the night, the louder they got. Another friend of Ethan's, Johnny, broke out into a karaoke with an acoustic guitar strapped on him, intensely strumming like he's about to break into a heavy metal guitar solo. It had Niall laughing, and it also had Niall wanting the night to go longer. Which is awfully rare.

"Oh, baby, she said to me, where you going? Leaving me here all alone at night! I said, darling, I'm going home to night herself!" Johnny bellowed. "She loves me the way I am, but leaves me at the break of dawn. Through the pain of it all, I'm holding on! Oh, lady of the night, you merciless thing, won't you take pity on me?"

Johnny was a songwriter. Although his guitar playing inadequate, his lyrics do tell an exceptional story. He made that up in two minutes with five bottles of beer in him.

"Thanks again for yesterday." Ethan throws an arm over him, and kisses his cheek.

Stunned at the very fast paced gesture, Niall laughs drily.

"Don't mention it." Niall tells him. "I am the man of the people. I, too, suffer from getting piss drunk from time to time."

"You're a real idiot." Ethan reminds him again.

"That's why you like me though." Niall shrugs.

"I have yet to establish if you like me back."

"For the record, I do. I came, didn't I?"

He wasn't sure why he said that. It came out anyway; he's unable to take it all back.

"There was free booze." Ethan offers an explanation.

"Now, there isn't." Niall suddenly gets up from the blanket they're sitting on. "See ya."

He only takes one step off the blanket before he turns back to Ethan whose mouth is gaping open in shock. Laughing, he sat right back down beside him as he felt bad for tricking Ethan like that. But immediately, Ethan grabs his face and kisses him deeply. They were soft, chapped lips that felt better when Niall pressed his lips over them.

Ethan's also the first one to pull away. He turned on his side so he could pull his wallet out from his back pocket. Between them, he sorted through the pockets of the wallet while Niall watched.

“What are you doing?” Niall eventually asks.

“Trying to see how much I have.” Ethan grins just as he pulls a bill. “Ten's enough, yeah?”

“For what?” Niall lifts a brow. “A gram? I don't smoke that shit. Makes me anxious.”

“No. I'm talking about booze.” Ethan shoves his wallet back in his pocket. “I'll buy more if you stay.”

“Booze for a ten? The most you can get is five of those little liquor bottles. Four, to be safe from taxes.” Niall laughs. Even with a ten, he can't buy anything with the store closed.

“Still counts.” Ethan grins.

“Don't need it.” Niall shakes his head. This time, he pulls Ethan in.

* * *

Like the usual, Zayn drops by before closing to get a drink. It entertains Niall until he's off the clock. Same drink as always—he slides Zayn a double shot of rum and coke.

Truth be told, he hasn't seen Louis or Lani in a week. Living in a small town doesn't help—just makes the idea worse. He saw Zayn last week in the same spot where he is. Some dedication. Drinks at this pub aren't cheap.

"I need a favour. Are you able to help me out?"

"Depends. What do you need?"

"I might be staying here longer than I had planned. And there's no way I'm staying at home. My parents stress me out a lot. So I was wondering if I can crash at your place for the time being. I'll pay and everything."

"Uh, yeah." Niall shrugs. "Let's see..." Niall pays about $890 for house utilities per month. It's not too bad since the mortgage to the house is paid off; it's a big house that his family has been taking care of for over two generations now. He's way too lucky. "$445 a month. And as long as you clean up your own shit, and do groceries, we'll be fine."

Zayn blinks in awe. "I didn't think you would say yes."

"Why not?" Niall grimaces. "House is too big for me to be living in alone anyway. Bono makes a lot of sound when she walks around 'cause of her tag, but I always think it's a ghost. It scares me more than I realize."

"You're funny." Zayn laughs quietly.

"I'll get it all sorted out tonight.”

"Thank you so much." Zayn says earnestly.

"If you need help moving stuff, let me know."

After a week, he still didn't let him know. It was an open offer that he could've taken if he wanted—he wasn't obligated. But when he came two days later while Ethan was over for lunch where they were preparing pasta—awkward isn't even the word for the situation Niall was stuck in the middle in. Zayn wasn't happy about it. That was obvious.

Niall knew all this was going to bite him back in the ass eventually. Although, it was like neither one of them were absolutely happy seeing each other in Niall's house.

"What are you doing here?" Zayn grimaces in confusion.

"Thanking Niall for the time he helped me out in the bathroom.” Ethan slowly replies. "How about you? With all those bags?"

"I'm moving in." Zayn tells him slowly. "Living at home with my family's not working out, so..."

"How's your brother? I heard about what happened." The concern was nice; not sure if Zayn wanted it from Ethan just to start small talk.

"He's alright. Eager to go back surfing before he leaves to go to UBC." Zayn scratches his jaw. "Anyway, I gotta drop this. Got more things to bring over."

"Do you need any help?" Niall asks. "After we have lunch, I can help you run some stuff over. Join us."

"If I'm not interrupting." Zayn chuckles quietly.

"No." Niall shakes his head. “Nothing's…”

He really wasn't. They made too much pasta for them to finish; keeping it in Niall's fridge with no sauce wasn't a plan.

Now that Zayn was here, all Niall wanted was for Ethan to leave. He can feel the awkwardness stirring in the air, no matter how calm and unbothered Zayn or Ethan seemed. Maybe it didn't feel like it was a big deal to them but it did to Niall; it felt like he was betraying Zayn, and they were just becoming real good friends. So it was okay to Niall for Ethan to leave—they just met. Niall could meet other people; they may not be as interesting or attractive like Ethan, but he was willing to risk it all to avoid being confronted by Zayn about why he'd go after his ex.

It seemed fine. Zayn and Ethan were catching up on the places they stopped at, bonding over their love for New York. Niall had nothing to contribute besides the fact that the world trade centre was built on a burial for slaves. If that's not the most shocking, yet not actually shocking thing he's heard. He hasn't been to New York or L.A. or London.

When they finished, Zayn went back to his bags that he dropped by the entrance so he could bring them up to his room. Niall stayed downstairs in the kitchen to wash their dishes while Ethan cleared the table until all that was left was the table mats. Niall scrubbing plates in silence must've seemed suspicious to Ethan when he leaned his back right against the counter, standing right beside Niall where they could see each other's face. Although, Niall tried his best to stare down at the sink.

Ethan ponders out loud in a deep tone as he looks at Niall's unreadable face. "What are you thinking?"

"Is it weird?" Niall asks quietly.

"What do you mean?" Ethan slightly tilts his head.

"Us... And then Zayn, your ex." Niall explains in a broken way. He avoided telling Ethan anything about him and Zayn. It wasn't a sincere relationship compared to theirs anyway. "You mean a lot to him."

"You're sweet." Ethan laughs quietly. "But right now... I'm more interested in you.”

Niall turns the tap off before he could wipe his hands dry. He holds Ethan with one hand on his waist, fingers softly tapping on his skin.

"I'll be honest, Ethan, my last relationship was 5 years ago, haven't felt really committed to anyone since. Nor am I looking. Casual is where I am." Niall lifts a brow. “Then I'll see where I go.”

"So am I." Ethan gives him an affirming nod. "I'm only here until the beginning of September."

Niall goes back to doing the dishes to try and not think about anything but dirty plates. He was in such a weird circumstance that he wasn't going to push ahead to get what he wants from Ethan. There was still unfinished business between him and Zayn; Niall wasn't going to be a part of that. He was already in the middle of Lani and Louis.

Zayn settled in before the weekend, spent his whole Saturday setting his room up to be the way he wants. It was pouring rain outside; grey clouds stretched all the way beyond the horizon. It would be dangerous to sail out, but not dangerous enough for Niall to take Bono out for a walk around the block, just so she can do her usual business.

He picks some things at the bakery since he was already out. Some sweets to share with Zayn despite Niall not being very big on desserts unless it was his usual orders. He just felt like Zayn finishing his room was something to celebrate on this dull Saturday afternoon.

He dropped by the only market in town to fill the fridge of a few things as well. He was running low on important morning things like coffee. Seeing as though how often he's up at 6am to do some sailing, just to have a dinner shift from 4 until midnight, coffee would be the one thing to keep him standing.

On _Andromeda_ , he would have his breakfast on there. It was never the whole plate of sausage, eggs, and toast—if he wanted that, he would have it at home. Cereal usually suffices, or something from the café. Sailing from dawn was the one place he had that made him feel at peace with being here, stuck on this island. It was awful not having family around.

It's exhausting taking care of the house and his boat. And as classic as _Andromeda_ was, Niall really needed a bigger boat if he wanted to go farther out without having to borrow Lani's dad's boat.

Bono slipped inside the house as soon as Niall opened the door. He noticed Ethan's shoes by the door, followed by soft thuds from upstairs. He really didn't know what was happening between Zayn and Ethan and he didn't want to know. So much for this thing with Ethan.

Whatever was going on upstairs, it wasn't happening down where Niall was. He poured Bono's food into her bow, refilled her water—all with one hand while the other one was holding a sandwich. Then his phone started ringing as well.

"Miss me already, Louis? It's only 10 in the morning." Niall asks with his mouth full.

"Help me babysit tonight?"

"Dude, am I a nanny?" Niall asks. Hope Louis understands that it's in a rhetorical sense.

"Well, Zayn's not picking up his phone."

"Yeah, he's here with Ethan " He stares at Bono. "It's weird because—"

"Oh shit!" Louis hisses sharply. "Go and stop whatever the fuck is going on there!"

"I don't know what's going on.” Niall hisses just as he looks at his staircase. “They're upstairs!"

"I'll do it myself!"

"No, don't come here, you bit—" Niall scoffs. "Fucking hung up."

Niall dropped his sandwich on a plate before he decided to go upstairs and see what the problem was. Ethan's probably helping Zayn set up his bed. Although, he wasn't sure why Ethan was here in the first place. Maybe it was to see Niall and Zayn opened the door. Maybe Ethan wanted Zayn all along. Or Ethan could just be screwing around with everyone. Louis seems determined not to let them be a thing again. Although, Niall was sure Ethan was interested in him. Something fucked is up in the air.

Niall snuck past the hall and into his room. He didn't hear anything but them talking in Zayn's room—nothing concerning to him. All he did was grab his glasses from his nightstand, and pulled the door shut behind him.

"Hey! Still bad outside?" Zayn sounds and looks way too content right now.

"Think it's going to be bad all week." Ethan looks outside the hallway bay window.

"It's not terrible." Niall shrugs. Rain is normal here; sun is what's rare. Then he remembers that Louis is on his way here. "A-anyway... What brings you here?"

"I came to see if you guys wanted to have lunch, but Zayn seemed determined to get his room in order." Ethan crosses his arms.

"I brought things home from the bakery if you're hungry. They're mostly Portuguese tarts and custard puffs." Niall loves them so much to be always going there as soon as they open to buy himself enough to last a few days.

He's there so frequently, they've assorted a box of each Portuguese tarts and custard puffs for him. They would just hand it over with the biggest smile on their face. To thank them for the extra piece they sometimes slip in, he would buy them lunch. That's the nice thing about living in a small town where everyone knows you.

"Sure." Zayn puts away the open box he's standing in front of off to the side.

Niall's down the stairs first, uninterested at Zayn and Ethan following behind. He could feel them getting closer; he's not sure if that's a good thing. Louis already made it clear that that it was a bad idea. And the way Ethan just left Zayn then left the island without a word is completely a coward move. Not to mention, Zayn and Akane separated just a month ago. Zayn's love life is looking very eventful and not in the pleasant way that love is supposed to be.

Just as they were all settling in the kitchen, his door bursts open with Louis heavily breathing, face glistening in sweat.

"Fuh—" Louis heaves a breath. "Fuck!" He starts to clear his throat. "Hi guys."

"Are you okay?" Zayn asks.

"Yeah! Just—I really need your help. You weren't answering your calls."

"Sorry, I was busy." Zayn tells him. "What do you need?"

"I'll tell you on the way." Louis beckons for him to go. In confusion, Zayn went with a cream puff hanging between his teeth.

Niall and Ethan watched all of this unfold before their very eyes; left in the kitchen with no context to use to fill out what the hell is going on.

“Tell me something about you, Niall.” Ethan’s thumb swipes the excess cream off the plate before he sucks it off his fingers. That isn’t supposed to look attractive. “Hobbies, dreams…”

Niall leans against his counter, eyes staring narrowly at Ethan who’s standing adjacent. He had some; he just doesn’t actively think about it.

“I love sailing.” Niall eventually says the first thing on his mind. “More than anything in the world. I'd live on a boat and sail out if I could. But I really love this town. It doesn’t ask too much out of me.”

A smile starts to form on Ethan’s face. “I'd love to see all that in action.”

“How about you?” It’s Niall's turn to flip things around. “I don’t know anything about you, Ethan.”

“How about this?” Ethan clears his throat. “Take me on one of your trips, and I'll tell you all that you need to know.”

“One thing.” Niall tries to compromise.

“Alright.” Ethan grins at Niall. “I'm a photojournalist; self-explanatory, right?” Niall nods and he continues. “I've done some pieces on what it’s like to live in Japan as a Japanese who grew up in the west.”

“That sounds like the best job in the world.”

“I didn’t think it was at first. I didn’t care about who I was until I got there. I was only supposed to be there for six months. But I stayed back for two years because that was really the first time anywhere I felt connected with myself and my family.”

“Are you going back any time soon?”

“You said one thing.”

“Your life sounds way more interesting than mine, believe it or not!”

“Oh, thank you.” Ethan starts to laugh as he leans in, pressing his lips on Niall's. Stunned as he is, it feels delicate with good intentions that he eventually relaxed into it, making it hard for Niall to pull back when Ethan presses for another kiss.

But in his head, he couldn’t keep doing this. Warming up to Ethan, he could still feel something cold and uncertain between him. He could feel something growing with Ethan, yet also see something growing with Ethan and Zayn, and he has no idea what any of it is supposed to mean except he's stuck in the middle again like always.

* * *

 With Zayn living with him now, nothing really changed. He was a quiet guy, different from what Niall used to see in high school when they were together. From time to time, Zayn cuddles with Bono on the couch after accidentally falling asleep to the movies he’s watching. And other times, he and Zayn go out for a walk—first thing in the morning or before nine in the evening if Niall wasn’t working the night shift; sometimes they would even go twice in the same day, just to go out and do something.

These days are one of the few rare times that Niall can say it’s fun not living alone anymore. Just for fun, they’d cook together. Usually, it was Zayn who would show him what he would be eating if he was in New York or Paris. One night it would be packaged ramen noodles with egg and green onions, other nights it would be a whole roast dinner—roast potatoes and vegetables with roast lamb. Fucking lamb, Niall hasn’t had a fancy dinner like that in years. On other days, Niall would try to experiment with recipes from a cook book Lani got him for fun and force Zayn to help. It distracted Zayn from thinking about Akane or Ethan.

The one day they weren’t together was when Lani and Louis started pestering him at his boat on the docks. He didn’t do any sailing that morning. He was only there to fix things up, see if there’s any damages he needs to tend.

“Oh, look at that, stole my best friend.” Niall's lips tighten to an awkward smile.

“It’s an exchange.” Louis tries to defend. “Which is good. You and Zayn make a great couple.”

“What?” Niall and Lani both look at Louis.

“Getting right down to business, are we?” Niall presses his palm down against the wire railing to see if it’s holding tight. Louis always gets right to the point without anybody knowing what the hell is going on.

“You guys are dating again?” Lani huffs.

“No! I don’t even know what he’s talking about.”

“Ethan.”

“Now why is he in this?” Niall asks with his arms out. He hasn’t said anything about him and Ethan, and he won’t any time soon.

“You can’t let him talk Zayn up.”

“Louis, you’re sounding really stupid right now.” Lani grimaces.

“I don’t want them dating again. Same way you know Zayn and Akane shouldn't get back together.”

“It’s not your situation to control.” Lani cuts in.

“Yeah, it's Niall's!”

“Fuck you mean?” Niall scoffs.

“You need to pull Zayn's attention off Ethan.” Louis explains. “That way, he doesn’t have to think about Ethan or Akane.”

“But you said we make a great couple.” Niall tries to decode this conversation since it’s clearly not one he understands. “You want me to actually flirt with Zayn so he focuses on me, and not Ethan. Romantically. That’s your plan.”

“Are you out of your fucking mind?” Lani exclaims.

“I'm getting brain damage from this conversation.” Niall shakes his head. “You can leave now, Louis.”

“Guys, I'm really serious.” Louis says quietly. And nothing would’ve prepared Niall to hear Louis say, “They got engaged. That’s how serious I am.”

Niall’s eyes widen in shock. “When?”

“It was a secret. They were stupid and young, but it still happened. Then Ethan had other plans and dipped.”

“God, this sounds like an awful movie.” Lani groans. She must be in the same position as Niall with this whole thing.

“Zayn’s got the shittiest luck with love. I just don’t want him collecting a streak.” Louis’ arms drop off to the side.

As Niall sorts through his lifejackets in the storage box, he shakes his head and brings himself up to stand and look at his friend.  “Louis, I like Zayn, but as a friend. What makes you think he won’t have another one with me? When I stop doing whatever fucked up thing you’re thinking of once Ethan’s gone since that’s the whole point to it all?”

“It’s better than Ethan, Niall. Engaged! How do you recover from that?” Louis exclaims. “You weren’t around to see it all coming down. I was, and it was sad. And I know he’s over Ethan, but at the remote chance that they can get back together, Zayn will take it. I will literally do anything for him to forget that dumb ass.”

Niall rolled his eyes and kept quiet until his silence was eventually translated to ‘not interested’ and Louis went home, and Lani was left to break the silence. The thing is, Niall doesn’t know how to recover from it. Engagements were a special thing—anyone in a relationship knew that. Obviously, that’s why nobody gets engaged left and right. Then there’s the rare case of idiots who think getting engaged is just locking yourself deeper into commitment. Or they were one of the rarer than rare cases who believe it was all going to work out in the end.

There were a few things hard to believe. One of them was Louis caring that much for Zayn, even after all these years Zayn was gone. Another one was Zayn not being over Ethan. He saw first hand how Zayn is around him; same as he is with Niall—a friend. And third, he and Ethan are working towards something he may or may not agree with. Now that he thinks about it, he was the one who said it was casual for him too.

It was the main precipice of Lani and Niall’s conversation without the fact that he and Ethan have something going on between them until they reached his house. With Zayn around, he wasn’t going to even bring up he saw Louis today. But when they opened the door—there was a part of him that couldn’t believe if he was really seeing what was in front of his face. While it showed in his face, Lani was the one who gasped in disbelief.

“Oh shit.” Lani her voice exhales shakily.

“U-Um…” Niall stammers. He never blinks rapidly unless something’s in his eyes; not him trying to avoid looking at the two of them kissing. “Where’s Bono?”

Ethan looked up just as Niall snorted to himself out of nervousness as he walked by and Lani ran through to his kitchen. He’s never seen anyone get off of each other so fast.

“Bono?” Zayn raises his voice, then he clears his throat before he tells them in a normal volume, “She’s upstairs sleeping.”

“Thanks.” Niall huffs quietly. “We'll be upstairs if you need us. Or we can switch places.”

“No, I was actually supposed to leave a few minutes ago.” Ethan checks the watch around his wrist. He was at door very fast, shoving his feet into his shoes.

“I’ll see you.” Zayn gives a short wave.

They didn’t kiss this time when Ethan left. Zayn stayed on the couch, and groaned into his hands as soon as Ethan left, until Niall sat down beside him. Lani sat beside Niall, wondering if she’s supposed to be here.

“What’s up, Zayn?” Niall sighs. He knows what’s up.

“I can’t believe he kissed me!” Zayn exclaims stressfully.

“Why?”

“I thought things were over between us.” Zayn sighs. “And it is. But I don't know why I kissed back.”

Niall wraps his arm around Zayn’s shoulders, giving a soft pat. “It happens, alright?”

“I know.” Zayn grimaces in pain. This must be what Louis was talking about. His brown eyes were full of regret that Niall couldn’t erase the look from his mind. “Just wished it wasn’t with him. I can’t do that again.”

With his free hand, Niall took Zayn's hand and held it tightly; squeezing his palm with affirmation until Zayn curled his fingers back over Niall’s. Now he understood why Louis strongly felt the way he did towards Zayn; there was even a sense of anger slowly building up inside of Niall, all because of Ethan. They kissed, and now Ethan moved back onto Zayn again like nothing. No, Niall wouldn’t describe this as something to be jealous of. Ethan would have to mean a lot more to Niall for him to feel an ounce of jealousy.

But Ethan must’ve forgotten his agreement to Niall about casualty. Thanks to Niall's great memory, he didn’t—and he can see if Zayn would agree or disagree to the idea of people being a casualty because to Ethan, Zayn was. Niall wasn’t going to go out of his way to make Zayn get over Ethan. He doesn’t need to; all he needs to do is sit right there and offer his ears to Zayn, in case he needs to talk about it. There’s a lot to talk about.

“Is it alright if I go sailing with you the next time you go?” Zayn asks quietly.

“Yeah. I don’t mind. I’d love the company.” Niall grins. “I’m going this Saturday. Before the storm on Monday.”

Time flew by when Niall realized it was nearly the end of August. He knew Ethan wouldn’t be here any longer. It’s a sense of relief for everyone. It only depends what his definition of summer vacation means.

Zayn went to his room eventually, and that’s when Niall let out the loudest breath he had been holding the entire time he got home.

“Fuck, Lani, I’m not saying I'm agreeing to what Louis wants me to do, but I really think Zayn needs to forget about Ethan. While he’s here at least.” Niall explains.

“I may not like Zayn, but if you’re gonna make him think you’re interested, that’s not nice.” Lani scoffs. “He just broke up with his ex girlfriend! His stupid ex is in town who he just regretted kissing—now his ex from high school is going to join the pool?” Now that he’s heard it out loud, Niall does agree it sounds fucked up. “This is his love life. How the fuck are you even a part of it?”

“Because I'm an idiot.” Niall rolls his eyes. “I'm sort of dating Ethan.”

“Niall, what the fuck?” Lani hisses.

“I didn’t know! And the time that I did, Zayn and I weren’t even real friends, so I wasn’t breaking any rules. We kissed a few times, but nothing serious.”

“This literally sounds like a fucking telenovela.” Lani groans.

“But it wasn’t serious. I told him I'm not interested in making things exclusive. Neither is he because he's only here for the summer.” Niall explains. “Then he kisses Zayn! He doesn’t mean shit to him. That’s why I'm not gonna let Ethan fuck around with Zayn like that.”

“Since when do you care about Zayn?”

“I don’t know.” Niall shrugs. “I just know he needs a friend, alright?” And Ethan is a dick who needs to realize it.

Lani’s face softens at him. She must understand what’s going for her not to scowl at Niall anymore. The last thing Niall wants is to hurt Zayn. He’s been down this road before—alone. “Just don’t be stupid.”

“You'll know when I am.” To even be on the same side with Louis on this is telling.

* * *

 Niall’s alarm rings on the typical hour of the morning—6am. He starts off with a cold shower to wake him up, eventually turning it back counter clockwise so the heat of the water warms him up, turning his skin to a soft red color.

By the time that he's all dressed up in his beige wool blend mock zip-up sweater and Patagonia vest, Zayn’s still in bed. He even had time to brew a pot of coffee. Slowly, he creeped into his room—wasn’t surprised to find him still under his blanket, sleeping on his belly, half his body hanging out from the bed. He took Zayn’s fallen pillow, careful to try and not make any noise. It still felt like midnight with everything still so dark.

He laid the pillow on Zayn’s back before he sunk his bum on, evidently pressing Zayn down on his bed—hard enough he woke up with an elongated groan.

“Niall!” Zayn yells, muffled by his face being flat against his pillow.

“Awake yet?” Niall starts to bounce as Zayn’s arm tries to reach back at him.

“Yeeeeesss!” He groans even louder.

“Good!” Niall finally gets off Zayn’s back. “You have ten to get ready. I have a date with the sun, and she said to bring your ass along.”

That was a date he didn’t want to miss.

Zayn spent exactly 9 minutes to get ready. He used to the last minute to pack food into his backpack and fill Bono's food and water bowl before they left. He wore his black crewneck sweater under his Nike raincoat and an old pair of black jeans. A simple, yet practical outfit—very 9-minute chic of him.

He could see the sky getting lighter by the minute so he quickly got Zayn and him on his boat. Niall fixed a few little touches, hand Zayn a vest, and off they went with little to no wind. There was only a slight breeze for Niall to work with.

It was dawn by the time they reached off-shore of the island, around Clayoquot Sound, farther out to the Pacific Ocean than land. That’s when the wind picked up, and Zayn’s hood kept falling off from his head.

“It’s so cold.” Zayn exclaims against the waves and wind. He was sitting with his arms wrapped around him. Like that’s going to help. “Why did we have to go so early? We went at twelve the last time.”

“Zayn, just shut up.” Niall does some sort of gesture with his hand that looked a lot like shooing. He didn’t mean to say shut up so aggressively. He forgot to fill his thermos with coffee so now he’s awake at 6am with no caffeine fix. “You trust me, right?”

“Sixty percent of the time. The forty, I wonder what the hell you’re thinking.” Zayn teases.

They reach Vargas Island in half an hour where Niall decides to anchor in Ahous Bay. It was massive and a very private spot. Sometimes people camp on the beach. Truly, anywhere on this island, you can camp anywhere. As much as Niall wanted to go to the beach, he wasn’t going to go through all the inevitable troubles of him getting closer. Where he anchored was perfect.

“That’s beautiful.” Zayn finally stands up. Niall was busy fixing the anchor by tying the rope rode to the chain. He’s had his sail pick up some wind when he didn’t anchor properly —it was fucked.

“The sky is pink.” Zayn muses on. He’s got his phone out, turning different directions to take pictures of. It was indeed. There was the burning colour of orange from the sun mixed with the pink and even the rare purple, remind in him of a sorbet. To the west, it was still a dark blue. It felt like they are stuck right in the middle—right between day and night. Even the quarter moon was still hanging high up.

Niall wasn’t particularly new to this; just new to the sight of someone else watching the same wonder he never takes for granted, and being mesmerized by it like he still is today.

“Disregard what I said earlier about going too early.”

“I already have.” Niall turns back to the east where the sky is slowly becoming more orange and blue.

Zayn laughs quietly before something in mind came and he was unzipping his backpack. He pulls out a tall thermos and a white box that looks very familiar to what Niall always gets from the bakery.

“You haven’t eaten yet, have you?”

Niall turns back to Zayn, slowly walking off the bow and onto his small deck where Zayn’s emptying his bag.

“No. And I fucking forgot the coffee.” Niall usually always has things prepared for breakfast when he goes out to sail in the morning. Today he doesn’t even have water. There’s extra water bottles in the storage seats in case he did forget, like today.

“I didn’t.” Zayn hands him the stainless-steel thermos. Niall cracked it open and is immediately met with the smell of hazelnut coffee. It’s never smelled better.

“Lifesaver!” Niall groans as he pours himself a cup into the lid.

Not only was Zayn a lifesaver, he was an angel as well. Niall knew the box was from the bakery, but he didn’t think it was actually from there. Neither did he think it would be filled with his favourite things.

“When did you get these?” Niall asks in awe.

“Yesterday, while you were at work.” Zayn grins while his eyebrows quirk up at Niall.

He was going to go today just as soon as they get back to town.

“Can’t believe you’re still eating these after all these years.” Zayn laughs quietly. He says that as he takes a bite into a Portuguese custard tart.

“What do you mean?” Niall grimaces.

“This is pretty far back but I remember you always going to Common Loaf after school and buying these.” Zayn's eyebrows push together in confusion.

“It’s my favourite thing in the world, second to sailing.” Niall takes a large bite out of his tart. “Can’t believe you remember shit from high school.”

“It’s called trauma.”

Niall chokes into a laugh. “Oh god, are you okay?”

“I can’t believe you laughed!” He says that as he’s laughing.

“Because I agree. It was a shitty time.” Niall nods as he sips his coffee.

“But how was college for you?”

“It wasn’t too bad. Better than high school, of course.” Niall tries to think of what else happened in his 4 years of marine engineering. “Wished I did some things differently though.”

“Like what?”

“I'd rather not talk about it. You just broke up with Akane and your ex is in town. It just seems like a drag to be talking about these things.”

“You said you would talk to me about my breakup with Akane. What makes you think I wouldn’t do the same thing for you?”

Niall gives an understanding nod and a tight-lipped smile before he began. “I dated this girl for two years. When her graduation came, she broke up with me so could do her ‘own thing' without me holding her back since I had one more year to go.”

“Last girlfriend?”

“Sort of. Dated here and there.” And sort of dated your ex! “Nothing really lasted.”

“Really? Not even in this town?”

“Everyone in this town is either 50 years old and married or already going out with someone.” Niall narrows his eyes. He really has no chance here unless he left and brought them back. That’s if they’re interested in living in a small town with a population of 2,000.

The rest of the morning went by slow and very peaceful. They shared the thermos of coffee and the custard desserts, continued to chat until the sun was finally shining over them, and the sky to the west of them was just as blue as the sky to the east. Today was his best attempt to make Zayn feel better; the ocean and sunrise seemed to have worked, and that was all that he could’ve asked for. It would work for him if he was in Zayn’s spot.

They got around back to Tofino just around an hour before noon for brunch. Unlike Louis, Zayn tried in his best efforts to help Niall tie down the boat. Was it the best he’s seen? No, but it’s the thought that counts. He moved around a lot more holding the dock lines of his boat, figuring out which cleat to knot it around than Louis ever did, despite him always begging Niall to teach him something about sailing.

“Zayn!” Niall hears a familiar gruff voice from behind as he was fixing his sails. Niall started laughing because it was Uncle Barry. No, it wasn’t his uncle in the literal form. That’s just what the town called him because he’s always nearly there for everyone if he’s not too busy running Cable Cove Inn. It was one of the very few inns in town.

“Barry!” Zayn gasps. He dropped Niall’s dock lines to give him the biggest hug.

“How are you, lad? I haven’t seen you since you were 18 years old and you had cheeks. Now they’re all gone.” Barry laughs. He reminds Niall of a fisherman from Ireland. He only played half the part since he is Irish after all. Niall’s surprised he’s not related to him— Irish families are always big and scattered.

“I’ve just been working with event coordinators for the past few years. Mostly company parties, conferences. Some weddings.” Zayn shrugs.

“Well, how long are you in town for?” Barry asks.

“I’ll be around for a while.” Zayn answers. It's been 3 months and a half since he’s been here. Funny how time flies so fast, and so many things have happened already.

“Your brother is leaving soon, isn’t he? Your father mentioned that.” Barry and Zayn’s dad know each other so well only because Zayn’s dad manages the inn with Barry.

“Yeah. My family’s going to do a little road trip to the mainland, drop him off, and come back.”

“It’s great seeing you.” Barry gives him biggest smile Niall’s ever seen from his face. Then he looks at Niall himself. “Are you hanging out with this wee boy?” He asks Zayn.

“Wee boy? Still calling me wee boy at the ripe age of 24?” Niall scoffs playfully. “I’ll take it as a compliment.”

“I have to be nice.” Zayn whispers. “I’m living with him.”

Barry’s eyes widen. “You’re dating again?”

Without hesitation, Niall cuts right in with a flat ‘no’. Instead, he gets the first letter out from the tip of his tongue before Zayn jumped right in.

“Yeah.” Zayn nods like a bobble head, his nose wrinkled in a grimace along with his face. Hard to believe with a face that screams love, right?

“Nothin’ like high school sweethearts. Except Niall here is sour.”

“No.” Zayn disagrees. Thank god someone thinks he’s alright. “He's been very welcoming.”

“He should be. If he becomes a problem, let me know, alright?” Barry jokes. “Bobby told me to keep him in line.”

“I will.” Zayn gives a good grip on Barry's shoulder.

Even when Barry leaves, Niall doesn’t ask about Zayn cutting him off to say that they’re dating. He didn’t have any problem playing along; Niall didn’t think he had to play along with anything.

They stopped by Tuff Beans for brunch. Niall avoided ordering another cup of coffee or else he’d find himself shaking in the afternoon. He stuck with a breakfast tea instead and a simple egg benny’s and toast. Zayn went with Belgian waffles another cup of coffee.

“Sorry I said we were dating earlier.” Zayn eventually brought it up. “I didn’t want to talk about me not living at home with my parents to Barry with him being my dad's boss and all.”

“I get it.” Niall shakes his head. “Everything's alright though?”

“Yeah.” Doesn’t sound convincing. “My family gets a little stressful to handle, that’s all. But I'll always be there every Monday and Thursday night for dinner.” He laughs quietly.

“Sounds like a good trade.” Niall stirred his tea slowly until the sugar dissolved from the bottom. He missed his parents' cooking.

“So how come you’ve never left this town?” Zayn asks afterwards. They had nothing else to do but talk as they waited for their food to come.

“When my parents went back to Ireland, I told them I'd be taking care of the house.” Niall stared at the tea’s stain on the lip of his cup. “Selling it would be stupid of me.”

“Does it feel like it’s holding you back?”

“It’s hard to say.” Niall takes the teaspoon out the cup and stares at the drop of tea at the tip. “Ireland is really the only place I've wanted to visit since I moved here. Everywhere else can wait.”

“It's not that hard to go.” Zayn tells him. “Lani would be able to take care of your house while you’re gone.”

“I feel like I would be imposing.” Niall laughs dryly. “It's alright though. It's gotten… livelier. Think everyone’s excited that you’re back.”

“It has been nice. Minus Ethan being here too.” Zayn's nose wrinkles in annoyance. “It just hasn’t been a good year for me. It feels like all my exes have been screwing with me. Except you, of course.”

“All we did in high school was mess around. There isn’t an excuse for me to screw you over right now even if I wanted to.” Niall laughs.

“I always thought you were good. Nothing you ever did was wrong, and I mean that in an honest way.”

“And Lani may have not liked you. But I really did.”

“That’s all that matters to me.” Zayn blinks in confusion before his entire face twists. “I-I mean mattered."

He was right. This was all in the past. Why were they even talking about it now?

Everything was pretty much quiet after that. When they got home, Niall went straight to his room to get a little shut eye. It didn’t help that the sun was in his face as he tried to sleep. But he couldn’t be bothered to close his curtains when he’s wrapped up under his blanket. He could hear Bono’s collar jingling as she walked down the hallway. She didn’t stop by his room; she stopped two doors away, and that was Zayn’s room. Was he jealous? Fucking yes! Seems like his dog likes the housemate better than the owner himself.

Everything seemed to have slowed down; worries were out the window, everyone was content, and things were quiet. Their biggest dilemma recently was deciding if it was right to spend $150 worth of groceries for a week. Considering they were going to be eating most of their food by the second day. It’s all Niall’s fault for not budgeting right. Everything he wanted was just on sale.

Somehow, Niall might’ve been the reason why Zayn has been moving about just as early as he is. He tends to sleep in until eleven; now he’s awake at seven in the least, letting Bono out to sniff different things to probably broaden her world. Niall doesn’t do much but bring her along his trips and short walks around the town. Zayn would disappear for the morning to go to his parents’ house and bring back food his mom made for him while Niall used that day to sleep in. One day, he brought home some of Niall’s favourite desserts from the bakery, along with Zayn’s favourite—a golden and decadent crème brulé in a mason jar. He almost took it out from the fridge for himself if he didn’t appreciate Zayn for running him this errand he didn’t ask him or tell him to do.

He's glad after all this time, he’s able to learn new things about Zayn that he didn’t know about him if he took the time in high school to get to know him. Even Lani has gone all soft on Zayn; she doesn’t make faces when he talks—she only questions him all the time which is better. More things to discuss. You can’t really blame her for harboring hate for the boy who ran his car into her dad's car.

Before leaving for Zayn’s family trip, they planned to share a few drinks together at Sobo with Louis while Lani was working. Niall really misses hanging out with her. They haven’t gone sailing together in weeks and Niall is tired of sailing by himself and with people who don’t know how. It’s hard manning the boat all alone.

It’s karaoke night at Sobo. Niall's eyes aim right at the stage where the mics are. They’ve got a screen off to the side for the lyrics. It’s a popular once-a-month event that Niall usually finds himself working. It doesn’t mean that on his day off today, is he finally going to sing up on that stage. He would have to be six shots in, no chasers.

“Would you like to sing, Zayn?” Louis teases him from across the table. “I'll pay you fifty bucks.”

“Show me the cash.”

“I don’t have cash. I'll e-transfer you, I promise.”

“You really said e-transfer.” Zayn laughs mockingly at Louis.

“Unless you have change for a hundred, I don’t mind paying you in cash.”

“I don’t mind doing it for a hundred. I will sing the most common karaoke song there is. Sober.”

“That’ll be Sweet Caroline.” Niall laughs quietly.

“I like that song.”

“No, not that one. You'll sing _Don’t Stop Believing_ instead.”

“That basic song?” Zayn huffs in exasperation. Something about Zayn is that classic rock is not his favourite genre.

As Louis ditches the table to set Zayn up for the karaoke, Niall grabs Zayn’s hand for his attention. “This is easy money.” Niall leans forward to whisper across the table to Zayn. “You’ll be fine.”

“Will I be really?” With Zayn playfully sneering at him, he squeezes Niall’s fingers. “This is Journey we're talking about.”

“They dominate every karaoke night.”  Niall shrugs a shoulder. “People love their Journey.”

There’s been half a dozen people who have gone and sang already; nothing in the lines of your typical Journey. It has been simpler classics that never get old such as _Your Song_ and _Ain’t No Mountain High_. For someone like Zayn to do journey? It would have never happened willingly.

“Zayn, last name Malik, please get up here.” Louis called out through the mic with a shit-eating grin on his face. It's all about the money, isn’t it?

Zayn let out a deep breath as the audience clapped for him. The piano intro began before he could grip the microphone on the stand. Niall doesn’t know how all these people have been doing karaoke without freaking out on stage. He could feel a little bit of the nerves already and he hasn’t touched the mic for karaoke since he’s been here.

“ _Just a small-town girl_ ,” Zayn starts off awkwardly out of pitch, confusion etched on his face. “ _Living in a looonely woooorld! She took the midnight train going anywhere!_ ”

Louis gave Zayn a strong nod to continue. As much as Niall hates public performances, people should just remember this is all for fun, and not a real place to be judged on whether you can sing or not.

Zayn may not look or be a singer, but he’s got the tone and pitch perfectly.

Out of nowhere, Louis tugs Niall by his hand during the short guitar solo after the first verse. “Dude, is that Ethan?”

Niall’s eyes followed the same direction Louis was staring at. It was right at the stairs leading to the bar area that he notices Ethan just arriving with his friends. Zayn’s too busy reading the lyrics to notice Ethan in this dimly lit pub, and from time to time he would look at Niall specifically to see if he’s doing the song justice.

“Oh, yes it is.” Niall isn’t so sure Ethan’s noticed Zayn either. How did Louis with the pub being so full tonight?

“Get up there with him.” Louis gestures at the stage, pulling at Niall intently.

“What?” Niall winces in confusion. He heard him loud and clear over the speakers playing the instrumental very loudly—he just couldn’t understand why the hell he should do such a thing.

“Just to get Ethan thinking.” Louis shakes his hand. “Go! Help a friend out!”

Zayn must’ve finally noticed Ethan. His eyes nearly popped out his head in awe, his voice faltering into a mumble as he looked at Louis. His eyes were screaming, ‘what the fuck' while his mouth sang, ‘it goes on and on and… on and on?’

“ _Strangers! Waiting!_ ” Niall suddenly blurted out through his newly acquired microphone. The whole crowd went nuts afterwards—cheering as Niall turned to the audience with utter confusion on his face as he stared at Zayn who gave him the same exact reaction.

As weird as this was, Zayn joined back in, hesitantly singing, “ _Up and down the boulevard! Their shadows… Searching in the niiight…_ ”

Niall doesn’t feel drunk enough to be doing this. He’s not sure why he even jumped in without thinking very long about it—Louis isn’t even giving him a cut of the money. Now the whole pub is watching two nervous wrecks butchering a classic karaoke song.

But Niall had to try and make it entertaining for those looking for a good time tonight. “Str _eetlight_ s _!_ " He bobbed his head to the rhythm as he winces in aggression at Zayn. He was doing a half-ass dance bouncing his knees as he lowered himself. “ _People!_ ” With his other hand pretending to play the drums, he could see Zayn's face and body losing tension, finding more confidence and comfort on the stage.

“ _Living just to find emotion,_ ” Zayn and Niall leaned in face to face as they belted out, “ _Hiding somewhere in the niiight_!”

They didn’t just sing that song—they performed the shit out of it. Sober! In a room full strangers with familiar faces, that’s a great accomplishment. Especially seeing Zayn letting loose from Ethan, he nearly forgot all about him being there as soon as Niall joined in. Louis and Niall knew really well they made each other stupid and anxious. For Niall to see Ethan in his point of view, he’s nothing but a personal demon his friend wants to get over.

Zayn sang the last note from the repeating chorus; it was way too high for Niall to try all the way. He felt his throat tensing until his voice cracked. He simply covered his embarrassment by laughing along with Zayn until the song faded and they were able to really celebrate.

Like excited little kids, they silently cheered each other on as the crowd viciously cheered them on as well. With their mouths dropped open, their hands clapped together, gripping one another before they felt good to go in for a hug.

“Worst thing I've ever done!”  Niall noticed Zayn’s face is heated and beet red in embarrassment when he pulled away. “Why'd you jump on stage?”

“I knew how you felt about going alone. Just wanted to make it easier for you.”

Zayn breaks into an even bigger smile than the one he’s had on his face since the song ended. “You’re fucking awesome.”

Niall looks away for a moment, because that isn’t entirely true. “Truth be told, I saw—”

“Awesome job up there guys.” Ethan throws a thumbs up their way. Niall's initial reaction in his head would’ve been to scowl; realistically, he had to play along Zayn’s ruse where they pretend to like and tolerate Ethan.

“Thanks.” Niall accidentally blurted out way too sarcastically. He’s like Beetlejuice, except worse; he appears whenever fate decides to bring Zayn endless torture from Ethan.

“Should have done _Sweet Caroline_.” For him to think he had a place with them to pitch in a suggestion was absurd. The smile on his face is insulting as well.

“You got fifty bucks on you?” Zayn uses his hand to beckon money from Ethan.

“You’re pricey.” Ethan breaks out into a cackle. It’s not that funny. Zayn is serious about his money.

Niall felt like the awkward sibling who was invited by his older brother because mom forced big brother to take him along. Little did she know all big brother would be doing is talking to his ex. And his job is to pretend he’s not there.

“How much songs would this buy?”

Then he stopped pretending and turned back to the conversation where there was now a silver or titanium ring between Ethan’s fingers. Niall looked at Zayn right away who had a soft look on his face, possibly hiding his true emotion.

Niall was beginning to learn Ethan wasn’t a swimmer. He was afraid of cold water and never submerged himself any deeper than his ankles. All he does is test the water—all these questions that make you think they’re harmless but there’s a whole equation in his head he’s trying to work out whether or not someone will play into his game.

“None.” Zayn eventually answers in a calm manner. “That’s worth less than $10. Gotta account for the depreciation value.”

“That’s a big gap. From the price that I bought it.”

“It’s been 7 years. It’s long enough to not want something that had value back then.” Zayn shrugs. “Anyway, I’m here with my friends tonight. Maybe you should join yours as well.”

“Yeah,” Ethan's lips curl back between his teeth.

Zayn walked off first, expecting Niall to follow behind. He only had a simple and very short message for him before Zayn could even realize he’s not there with him.

“Whatever was between us, it's done.” Niall tells him firmly. “And just leave Zayn alone.”

“I knew that when you and Zayn started hanging out more often.” Ethan tells him. “Does he know about us? More importantly, are you going to say anything?”

“Don’t project your troubles on me because you thought Zayn would take your cheap ass ring back.” Niall laughs quietly as he grips Ethan’s shoulders. He gives a forceful pat on both sides.

“You are so annoying.” Ethan aggressively shakes his shoulders until Niall's hands pull back. He finds an opening on his torso and shoves him back. A loud yelp erupts from the girl who drops her glass of beer on the floor right when Niall smacked her with his back.

Now everyone was staring at Niall, pushing back against the wall so no one steps on the shards of glass scattered across the floor.

“Seriously?” Niall points and laughs at Ethan and finally notices his friends Johnny and Tim and bunch of other guys who must’ve been waiting for him all this time to have a drink. Too late. “Hey! Take your friend out of here before I get Mike to do it.”

Niall relaxes the grimace on his face as he looks at all the glass on the floor, then the girl who held the glass in the first place. He knew Zayn saw the whole thing. Heard their conversation? Probably not. It'd be better to hear what he took from the situation than tell him the truth. And what’s the truth? Niall can’t even say it himself.

Zayn went back to Louis while Niall tried to do crowd control. He got Lani to sweep up the shards just after she gave him the worst ear pinching he’s ever had in his life. Even his parents never gave him one when he was at the age where stupid was an Inevitably with him.

Once the girl got another drink on the house, straight to the washroom he went. He washed his face so the heat from his temple and cheeks would go away. He wasn’t a fighter and thank goodness it didn’t go there. This is all because he put himself in the middle of two people’s business that had nothing to do with him for his own personal issues he clearly needs to straighten out.

From not leaving the island to him and his failed relationships, it just feels like he’s not going anywhere. Everyone always wondered when Niall Horan would find someone to date again; and truth be told, he really didn’t want to settle with one. But there’s always those nights that bring scenarios he wants to find himself in because love is kind to anyone who finds it—Niall’s just worried if it'll be kind to him.

“First bar fight! How do you feel?” Louis asks with a big grin on his face.

“It wasn’t even a fight.” Niall shrugs. “I thought he was a nice guy.”

“If you’re friends or dating him, then yeah.” Louis nods. “That’s how it tends to be.”

He was. For a good three day's length.

“Hey guys, do you mind if I head home?” Zayn asks. “I’ve gotta wake up at the crack of dawn tomorrow and it’s already one.”

“It’s 1am already?”

Niall took a deep breath and got up. “Think I'm done tonight too.” He was tired; not from the company around him, but keeping everything a secret from Zayn. It was draining him the more he thought about it, the more he waited, the more his head played different reactions from Zayn. Yet, they were usually all the same: mad, betrayed, annoyed. He can hear his voice; filled with loathe and frustration. Niall wouldn’t be able to forgive himself if he told him, and he certainly won’t forgive himself if he didn’t.

“O-okay, I guess we're all done.” Louis stammers.

* * *

The walk home was dreadful. There isn’t a better word in his vocabulary than dreadful that he can use to describe their silent walk home. He hated how much Ethan was right; Niall hasn’t exactly found the courage to tell Zayn about the things he’s been doing, and it’s hard to find such a thing when all Niall's been doing is lying and conniving in the name of ‘friendship’. Yeah, sure.

They got home and settled in quickly. As Niall took his shoes off, Zayn was stripping out of his sweater until he was left wearing his black T-shirt. With his arms crossed, he rubbed his arms for warmth as he paced. It's when Niall's finally finished kicking his shoes off, does Zayn look at him with a smirk.

“So what was that all about?” Zayn asks “You talking to Ethan, you getting pushed?”

“It was nothing.” Niall shakes his head as he fondles with the edge of his shirt. “You know how Ethan is.”

“I do. But I also know you.”

He went through a series of expressions from annoyed to confusion, he was really desperate to look for the right words to say. “He was just saying stupid things.” Niall answers quietly. “Then he snapped. That’s all.”

He waited for Zayn to respond who’s probably wondering what stupid things Ethan was saying. If he asked, Niall would find himself in a problem within a problem. And he’s already in so many, he can’t afford to get stuck in another one.

“You always did have my back.” Zayn says quietly. Niall wasn’t expecting that at all. “Even back in high school, when I wasn’t the best person there, you held me down.”

Funny enough, he still has his back all this time. Niall doesn’t want to think too much about it. He has a feeling where if he does, he'll feel less of a shitty person which isn’t what he wants because the truth is, for crossing Zayn's back, he is shitty.

But as much as he tells himself that he really doesn’t care about Zayn, he does, and always has since he’s come back.

“Do you still have feelings for him?” Niall asks. They never got around to talking about it. He figured since Ethan’s name is still fresh in their minds that it'll be okay to bring him up.

“No one’s ever asked me.” Zayn's eyebrows furrow in confusion then he suddenly raises one up. “But I bet that you think I do.”

“Twenty bucks says you do.” Niall grins. He pulls the bill right out of the front pocket of his jeans and holds it up with his forefinger and middle finger.

“And I say you're twenty bucks less.” Zayn quickly takes the twenty out of Niall’s hands.

“How so?” Niall asks.

“Well, Ethan broke my heart.” Zayn says so casually. Niall knew better than to pity him, but he couldn’t help but feel an ounce of sympathy. “I’d be stupid to still love someone who found it easy to leave me like that.”

“And Akane?” Since they were already deep into the topic of exes.

“Can’t feel anything for someone who didn’t make you feel it in the first place.” Zayn tells him with a pleasant look on his face.

“I’m glad you got the twenty.” Niall smiles at him. “Bye now!” He starts to make his way to the stairs. As soon as he turned at the railing, Zayn grabs his wrist.

“Hey, why haven’t you asked about my other ex? You knew them. And more importantly, why aren’t we talking about your exes?”

As soon as Zayn finished, Niall started laughing before he retracted his step back from the first step. “Because, in the topic of relations, you haven’t met any of them. And what makes you think I know every ex of yours?” Knowing Zayn, he must have a few more that Niall doesn’t know about. A lot can happen in six years.

“I dated you, didn’t I?” Zayn asks quietly.

What’s there for Zayn to get over with him? There wasn’t anything left to get over between the two of them. He’s really not sure what to feel right now. “I didn’t think there was anything else to say.”

“There is.” Zayn admits.

Suddenly, Niall finds himself scowling at Zayn. “Are you going to say it then? Because you were the one who wanted to be friends and I was more than okay with it.” Niall laughs shakily. “I really am. But you better tell me right now what you have to say so I can figure out the kind of person I have to be for all of this to work.”

He wasn’t sure why he felt so angry all of the sudden. Maybe it’s because Niall never expected any of this to happen all in one night. And all the aggression that he had disappeared as soon as Zayn gripped his shoulders. “You don't have to be anyone for me to tell you how much you mean to me. I just want you to know. That's all, okay?”

Niall stood there in silence, glaring at Zayn. How could he think that it was okay to say those things to him? And for Zayn to have this smile on his face like he won—Niall couldn’t take it. Everything felt so overwhelming, he really didn’t know what to do. Not even when Zayn held his face and there was that momentum between them where something should’ve happened, he stood still, confused at everything.

“I'm gonna get some sleep.” Zayn laughs quietly. He takes his hands back before he made his way upstairs.

That just leaves Niall by himself downstairs. As he looked at the clock hanging right in front of him, there were only two things for him to do. The longer he stood there, repeatedly asking himself if everything that's happened is real, the shorter his window of opportunity is. It was nearly half an hour past one; it would only be a couple of hours more until the break of dawn, and Zayn would be gone for ten days right after. Niall wasn’t going to wait ten days. He wasn’t going to wait even a minute.

He sprinted up the stairs and already found himself breathing heavily. Just his luck, Zayn was right outside his room. Before he could even react at the thudding of Niall's steps, he feels a grip on his shoulder and a hand on his nape from Niall himself. He didn’t need to pull him in for their lips to meet—it just happened naturally as Zayn closed the space. They kissed slowly, yet the pressure of their mouths seemed to say another story.

Niall couldn’t find the means to stop; not even for a moment to catch his breath. A part of him wanted to so Zayn could get some sleep, and then there’s the other part where he just wants to keep going.

The first one to pull away is Zayn, but not nearly far enough for Niall to hate the space between them. He leaned their foreheads against one another, and let their noses brush off each other. Niall could feel Zayn smiling against him, and he couldn’t help dropping his own act to take it all in himself—break his poker face and smile along too.

“I wasn’t sure how you felt.” Laughing quietly, his hands slide down from the middle of his back until they were holding the curve of Niall's waist. “You’re alright with this?”

“Yeah.” Niall doesn’t hesitate with his answer. His hand manages to relax when he realizes how hard he’s been holding Zayn's nape. But the hook of his arm under Zayn's is tight as he gripped Zayn's shoulder from behind. “More than alright.”

And that was enough for Zayn to press his lips between Niall's, kiss him harder, yet shorter this time. As the pace of their mouths quickened, so did everything else when Zayn pulled him into his room. With their clothes quick to find itself on the floor, they were quick on the bed too. They were sitting at first with Zayn straddling his lap, with Niall’s hands going down every inch of his back.

Desperation lingered heavily in the air; Niall could feel it from Zayn's hands combing through his hair to the way they licked inside each other’s mouth. And the only thing they could hear was each other’s breathing and maybe a little bit of moaning when Niall feels Zayn's weight bouncing off on him as he rocked weakly into their open mouth kisses.

The words from Zayn telling Niall to fuck him fell quietly between them. It was through his heavy breathing did Niall hear him, and it completely flipped him. He found himself laughing and groaning into Zayn's chest.

“I don't have anything right now.” Niall eventually spilled out the answers to Zayn's confusion.

Zayn’s first reaction is to scoff. Then it sounded sort of cruel until he propped Niall’s chin up with his hand. He was looking at someone dazed; eyelids low with an amused look on his face. It was one of those looks he had that you would think he’s drunk, but he’s not. And that this hot expression on his face was all because of you.

“Didn’t think this through, did you?” Zayn teases.

“Hey, I have my ways.” Niall goes on the defensive side. “Feel free to drop by the pharmacy and grab’em for me. But they've been closed since seven, so you can wait ten days until I do have them, even though I probably won't, or we can improvise.”

Zayn blows out an airy laugh as he shakes his head at Niall. “There's no winning here.”

“Of course there is.”

Niall nudges Zayn's hand away with his chin and pushes his mouth back against his, and pulls him in against his body until the space between them closed. Pacing slow, Zayn can feel Niall's lips stuck against his when he pulls away and opens his lips again, nudging for another kiss. Something about that gets Zayn going; angling his head differently after each kiss, open his mouth wider when Niall licks his lips, close his eyes with his eyebrows pushed in. Zayn can't stay still in any way—his hands on Niall caresses along every part of his skin; from his shoulders to his chest until he's got his arms wrapped around his neck, keeping their lips attached.

Niall continued to kiss him slowly. He pressed his lips in between with enough pressure that it didn’t feel too light, but not too hard either. He could feel the twist in his groin getting tighter the longer they spent kissing one another.

He managed to get loose from Zayn's arms and move his attention to his neck. He pressed a kiss on his skin and trailed around the same spot. They were wet along his skin as he moved down Zayn's torso, lapping kisses down his collarbone, then his sternum. Eventually, as Zayn sat back with his arms holding him up, Niall's mouth made it down just below his ribs where he paused, his breath lingering on his skin.

Zayn let his legs stretch out as he sat back watching Niall settling in between his legs. He was biting down his lip before Niall could even do anything. Just seeing him fit between his legs was already doing him in. Suddenly, he felt a warm lick against his shaft, then a couple more around his dick just to tease him. He didn’t want to watch Niall's tongue lapping all over the head of his dick—it was just too much for him all at once. And he knows Niall would look at him with his icy blue eyes and see nothing but obscenity from him. Out of nowhere, he wrapped his whole mouth with his forefinger and thumb tightening around the base of his dick. Zayn's arms gave in and he was right on his back, trying to catch each breath Niall's taking away from him.

Niall started slow, with his tongue pressing hard against Zayn's shaft before he could pull up and fit it right over his tip. He could feel Zayn fighting the urge to rock his hips into his mouth. It was cute; even him trying to quiet his moaning to himself, it made Niall moan himself just to see how Zayn would react. He was stiff hard and leaking mad, and it would only be a matter of time before he comes. He just needs to stop holding himself back.

“Oh god.” Zayn exhales loudly as Niall presses his tongue down his slit before taking him entirely into his mouth. He gave long, tight strokes with his mouth until Zayn felt the need to start thrusting in his mouth. Niall doesn’t mind; Zayn’s careful with him. His pace was slow, and Niall still had control, and it was enough for him to come slowly into Niall's mouth.

Niall took it all, and even gave one last lick over Zayn's terribly sensitive dick that caused him to groan just before Niall could settle on top of him, and laugh into Zayn's face

“Really?” Zayn exhales loudly. Everyone knows how sensitive the dick is after coming, and here's Niall trying to milk out the situation.

“What now?” Niall raises a brow.

“You.” Zayn answers.

“Aren’t you tired?” Niall starts to poke at him rhetorically. He already knew the answer from the moment Zayn asked if he could go home just an hour past midnight. It was nearly a quarter after two—he’s probably more exhausted now than he was before. “You’re the one who has to wake up in three hours.”

“What makes you think, that I can't sleep in the car?” Zayn huffs playfully.

Zayn rolls the both of them on their sides and holds Niall by his waist while his other arm is under Niall’s head. He's got his leg over Zayn's hip while Zayn’s got his between his legs.

“I'm just wondering.” Niall answers quietly.

He could hear Niall’s concern in his answer. He didn’t need to be—Zayn wasn’t going to be losing anything to this night. “I’m alright.” He says, smiling softly at Niall.

Unlike Niall, Zayn didn’t wait around. Not to make it sound like a bad thing—it was actually good for Niall who really just wanted to hang out. But with this kind of opportunity, he wasn’t going to deny it.

Zayn started off stroking him slowly as he mouthed at Niall's neck. It didn’t quite work out the way Zayn thought it was when Niall completely shivered and barked out laughing. Fun fact: Niall's ticklish at the neck, and a kicker if one keeps going.

Once Zayn quickened the pace of his strokes, Niall's body tensed and relaxed all at the same time. His breathing picked up, and his fingertips pressed even harder on Zayn's back. As much as he wanted to close the inch between their mouths, Niall's mind was completely somewhere else that moment. His legs were wrapped tightly around Zayn and he looked like he was entirely in pain with his eyes shut and mouth open.

'Fuck' came out sharp and firm from Niall's mouth just as he came into Zayn's hand. He bit his lip down to keep himself from making any more noises while Zayn continued to stroke him, squeeze tight around his head.

“Oh.” Niall groans softly.

“You came fast.” Zayn laughs quietly. Way to break the momentum—he really did that well. Shaking his head, he scoffed at Zayn as he dragged himself out of his bed. “And where are you going?” Zayn asks in deep confusion. He's watching Niall pick his clothes off the floor—why's he watching that?

“I…” Niall blows out a breath as he tries not to laugh. He licks his lips as he finds himself lacking if words. “Goodnight!”

From Zayn's room, he went straight for the bathroom where he spent a whole minute thinking about the entire hour he had with Zayn. There wasn’t an ounce of alcohol in his system anymore for him to act behind. He only had one pint and a half; to Niall, it wasn’t enough to be pulling one-night stands and not remember them in the morning. No, this was beyond one night. This was going to be endless nights and mornings until one of them eventually pulls the stop.

All of this is nice to begin with, don't get Niall wrong. There wasn’t anything to bring up from their past because there wasn’t much to start with. There weren’t any bad moments to talk about or reminisce about, which is why they can start this all over again and have it feel just like beginning. But even Niall knew he couldn’t start anything, knowing it was all one-sided when Zayn has no clue about him and Ethan. He was stupid for that, and he’s still stupid to keep it a secret up until now. Yet, Niall wouldn’t be doing this if he had a good reason.

“Hey!” Niall exclaims with his toothbrush in his mouth. He looks at the foam dripping into the sink from his mouth before he looks back up at Zayn who obviously has no concept of privacy. “I will spit in your mouth if you don’t tell me what the hell you’re doing.”

“That would’ve been hot twenty minutes ago. Now, it's just disgusting.” Zayn shakes his head and pulls Niall away from the sink. He reaches for his toothbrush and runs it through the water just before he squeezes a tube of toothpaste over the bristles. “Obviously I’m here to brush my teeth.”

He spits into the sink aggressively before he glares at Zayn through the mirror. “Yeah, while I'm here?” Niall exclaims. “We have two bathrooms!”

“I like this bathroom. And you’ve been in here for ten minutes, like what the hell are you doing?”

Niall breaks into a complete laugh. “That’s average! Why are you annoying me?”

“I wanted to give you a good laugh.”

He hated that it was working. And he hated how much quieter and duller his room was. He left the bathroom when he finished, and he stood there looking at his bed. It was the same as this morning—unmade and spacious. It wasn’t wrong to have something good in life once in a while—even if it feels like you don't deserve it.

After throwing on a fresh sweater from the laundry and a pair of black shorts, he decided to take a chance before he's eventually left to reminisce about this night and Zayn wouldn’t be in his life anymore.

Picking through his drawer, Niall could tell Zayn hasn’t packed yet. And from the double take Zayn had when he noticed Niall lying on his bed with Bono, he must’ve not realized he was in his room until now. It's frightening how he moves so quietly.

“You’re here.” Zayn shoved a few shirts into his bag and called it quits after that. Seven shirts are enough for a 10-day road trip, right?

“Unless you wanna sleep in my room, then yeah, I’m here.” Niall started scratching behind Bono's ear. “And so is my girl, apparently.”

“Here's fine.” Zayn laughs quietly. He let Niall take the left side of the bed for the night, even if it was his favourite spot.

No matter how big his bed is, he's always going to be on the left. Tonight, he's on the right side where his pillows tend to get pushed towards—and it's the side Niall chooses to eventually join with Zayn.

* * *

Niall wasn’t surprised to find himself awake late into the afternoon. The last time he checked his phone for the time was three in the morning, just before he fell asleep. He didn’t need to check his phone now to know it's well into the afternoon. He let his eyes adjust to the brightness of the room, along with the blur that he fixed by blinking continuously.

Niall turned to the quiet jingling of Bono's collar. She was sitting behind him, scratching her neck with her foot. She’s a nice sight to see in the morning. It's been a long time since he’s woken up to her.

He narrowed his eyes at the slip of paper tucked into her collar where she’s constantly scratching and slapping herself. That doesn’t belong there—unless he put it there himself.

No, he didn’t drink enough last night to not remember him doing stupid things. He remembers just about everything—the way Zayn tastes without liquor on his lips, how hard he's really fallen for him, and how—after all this time—he still hasn’t told him the truth about everything.

With an arm around Bono, he opened the note, and felt a smile creeping up on him. To stop it from getting any bigger, he pressed a really long kiss on Bono's head.

_Dear Niall,_

_This isn’t that kind of note I left you with before. This is where I tell you to take care of yourself and Bono, and that I'll be back really soon._

_Love, Zayn._

He looked at Bono, and eventually scoffed at her. She loved Zayn, certainly more than Niall. That’s why he never sees her anymore—she's the one Zayn's been waking up to. He wasn’t sure whether to be jealous or endeared.

This wasn’t the first and last time for Bono. He could tell how much she missed him. While Zayn was gone for the week, doing his family road trip to Vancouver, Bono would whine quietly outside Zayn’s door. Niall wouldn’t go inside, but he would open it from time to time to let Bono smell his scent that is a soft and clean perfume. If that sounds descriptive enough. He could’ve told Zayn through text or even taken a video to show how badly Bono is missing him, but he didn’t feel significant enough in Zayn’s life to do such a thing.

Hard to admit to even himself, closing that week felt a little boring when Zayn wasn’t around to stop by the last half an hour just to kill his time. It just felt longer, duller, and more painful to work dinner shifts.

The one time that it wasn’t, it was still painful. Ethan walked in one time with his friends around ten, surprised etched on his face when he saw Niall behind the bar, washing shot glasses and wiping the liquor bottles from the sticky drips. Niall wasn’t too thrilled about Ethan coming up to his bar, asking what he’s been up to and how Zayn has been when the last time they saw each other, they nearly started a bar fight. It wasn’t his business to know or ask in the first place. Niall was nice enough to give the vaguest answer he can: good.

“Are you mad?” Ethan asked. That's the stupidest thing he’s heard today, he almost laughed.

But he bit his tongue down to keep himself from lashing out at Ethan. He was at work, and frankly, he knew deep down, Ethan wasn’t really that bad of a guy.

“Not quite.” Niall shrugged. “You and Zayn shared a past, I get that. I just hope you realize that he is a good friend of mine and that whatever we were doing was a mistake.”

“I’m right though.” Ethan lifted a brow at him. “You haven’t told him anything about us.”

“It'll be on my terms, Ethan.” Niall told him flatly. “It’s between me and him. Don’t fit yourself into this when you were the one who ran out on him.”

Simple conversation and straight to the point, that’s what Niall likes. Ethan gave an emotionless tight-lipped smile and Niall gave him the same one in return, more wrinkles in the corner of his eyes and mouth.

Then he saw Louis a day later at the beach. He was supposed to be teaching a swimming class; when Niall saw him, it just looks like he’s standing there to be pretty. He waited until Louis was done for the day to go have a drink at Sobo to tell him the thing that’s been eating at his insides for a month now.

“Ethan came by here when I was working.” Niall starts off vaguely. “Asked about Zayn.”

“What’d you tell him?”

“I told him Zayn's good.” Niall sucks in a breath. “Then I told him whatever was going on between us is over.”

“Us?” Louis asks. “Why would you—” He stares at Niall as his mind starts to connect all the dots together. Once he realized, he took a deep breath. “How serious was it, Niall?”

“We went out with other friends to this bonfire.” To say in the least bit of words, it wasn’t. “We kissed a few other times but nothing else happened.” Niall could feel his chest twisting as he told Louis all of this. He couldn’t even look Louis in the eyes, let alone tell Zayn any of this to begin with. He can’t after this—his heartbeat was starting to quicken fast.

“Even after I told you all about him, you went ahead to fuck around with him anyway.” Louis chastises.

“I was stupid, I know!” Niall's voice raises at Louis. He didn’t mean to do it—he was already unhappy with the whole situation to begin with. “I fucked up. I’m aware. But I’m not here for you to remind me. If you’re not going to help me, then maybe I should just go.”

“No. Stay.” He sighs. “In case I have to kick your ass for Zayn’s sake.” Then he turns to Niall. “You wanna know how to tell him.”

“Yeah.” Niall says quietly.

After a long minute of silence, Louis eventually says, “If it really meant nothing, then there's really nothing to explain.”

“You’re out your fucking mind.” Niall huffs. Even when he’s supposed to serve as help, he’s useless.

“Look, I'm surprised you and Zayn haven’t jumped on the opportunity yet. Again.” Louis shakes his head at Niall. “Unless something more between you is going on, then yeah, I'd tell him. If not, since the thing with Ethan isn’t a big deal, I’d stay shut about it.”

“Dense as always.” Niall mutters quietly.

“What?” Louis asks.

“Nothing.” Niall looks away. There aren’t as much people at the restaurant during the day compared to the evening. Most often, it's always tourists walking in here because it's really the only cheap place to have lunch. Everyone loves their happy hour.

“I just realized you haven’t hit on any tourists since summer started.” Louis must’ve been looking at the same table as Niall was.

Niall liked sleeping with tourists for two reasons—he wasn’t going to see them more than three times, and they eventually leave this town. To walk around in this small town, the chances of seeing the person you slept with is more than thirty percent. It was too high of a risk.

“I’ve been busy.”

“With who? Ethan?” Louis scoffs in disgust. “I thought you said he didn’t count.”

Niall kept quiet while he sipped his beer. Only a matter of time before he eventually gets it.

Suddenly, Louis smacks him right on his arm. “You’re talking about Zayn!”

“If it hasn’t been obvious.” Niall mutters.

“I wasn’t sure! You both seemed so against it.”

“I’m still thinking about it.” Niall tells Louis. “I don't think we should.”

“Why not?”

“I screwed up really badly with this Ethan thing before anything could even happen.” Niall sighs. “And I know as soon as I tell him, he's gonna go ballistic. I wouldn’t blame him for it.”

“But look at you.” Louis smirks. The thing is, he doesn’t look like an ass when he smiles at Niall. Neither does he sound condescending when he says, “Even if he does get mad, at least he knows your intentions. I can tell you didn’t do it to hurt him. You're just stupid, you know. There’s a difference. But now, your problem is if Zayn's into stupid people. Probably not.”

Niall gives Louis a deadpan expression just before he gives him a sardonic smile. “You're always ever so helpful.”

“You’re beating yourself up more than you realize.” Louis laughs. “You came in here, looking like you were about to break out in tears.”

“Because!”

“Because!” Louis mocks him. “Whatever, man. This is between you guys. I'll let you handle this one. You’re a big boy.”

“Oh, so now you wanna mind your business.”

“Get over it.” Louis grabs Niall’s glass, and puts it towards Niall’s mouth. “Drink your beer.”

Great talk. He's still fucked.

* * *

The town was suddenly packed for Labour Day. There were so many tourists wandering, it made him feel slightly awkward walking by crowds at the beach and Sobo. At least they didn’t ask him for directions. Getting to where he needs to go relies on muscle memory and the way the streets look—not the names itself.

Since it was Labour Day and Niall's working the closing shift with all the servers due to the fact that it's 11 and the restaurant is full, he always had things to do at the bar. Lots of pitchers and shots. Labour Day wasn’t even a holiday worth tequila shots but they’ll take whatever excuse they can to do tequila shots. Whatever gets him the tips.

“Blue Buck pitcher, table 12! 4 glasses. And one pint for the bartender.” Jhen reads out her order.

“Huh?” Niall asks. Is it a total of 4 empty glasses and an extra one for him or 3 glasses and he takes the one given to him?

“Guy at table 12 is buying you a pint.”

“Who is it?”

“That guy. With the green velvet bomber jacket.” Jhen points directly right at the table in the far corner where Niall's worst nightmare is sitting.

Niall got the pitcher all sorted out with four glasses, and poured himself a pint. Courtesy of Ethan—he won’t waste it.

The last hour went by fast as Niall spoke to the guests at the bar. They were out of town like most people tonight. They gushed about Tofino being a great town and how their town in Nova Scotia had a similar culture. More sailing, less surfing. North Atlantic water is frigid cold. Niall doesn’t know if he'd survive the Maritimes.

Ethan eventually came over, leaving his friends at the table. Niall really can’t help not ignore his presence. It was really overwhelming in the crowd; he stood out when Niall really didn’t want to pay any attention to him. But on his lips was the pint if beer he bought for him.

“Thanks for the drink.” Niall tried to keep his eyes down at the glass he’s hand washing.

“No worries.” Ethan gave him a grin. “Just wanted to say goodbye before I leave tomorrow.”

“Where are you headed next?” He had to keep the small talk going—not sure why he felt the need to. He had other customers sitting at his bar, he barely talks to them.

“San Francisco.” Ethan bites down the excitement on his face before he looks at Niall. “It was short lived but it was nice meeting you. You know, just before shit hit the fan.”

“Don’t forget to come back once in a while.” Even if Niall never crossed paths with him when he was living here, and now, when he’s really not Ethan’s biggest fan, Niall believes it’s always good to visit your hometown every once in a while. Wish he could give himself that same advice and visit his family back in Ireland.

“Gotta wait a while first.” Ethan winces. Doesn’t seem like he wants to come back after this. That's good—Niall really doesn’t want to see him. “Don’t forget to travel sometime soon yourself. I think you'll like it.”

Niall took a deep and needed breath before he walked around the bar where his arms wrapped around Ethan’s torso. Niall wasn’t sure if it was pity or the emotions behind saying goodbye that sparked him to give Ethan a farewell embrace. He truly wasn’t the best person when it came to be dating. Their super brief fling isn’t even qualified to be called a date. The only person Ethan could really be open with was with Zayn who isn’t back in town yet.

It sure felt long waiting ten days for someone you want home. Perhaps he lost count somewhere along the way—he didn’t mean to. He did several charter jobs recently that took up the majority of his time in the span of six days. It was only along the coast, not too far from the island itself. Then he was scheduled for a few closing shifts. 5 until midnight like always, which just leaves him a couple of hours during the day to sleep in.

So it was a complete surprise for Niall to see Zayn walk through the door by himself, wearing an olive-green Henley shirt under his black raincoat. He looked different, but there wasn’t anything different about him at all. He still had his undercut hairstyle with the sides even shorter than before, and he must’ve shaved his beard days ago because it's all short stubbles now.

Seeing him after ten days, he didn’t think it'd be bittersweet.

From all the turning he’s done, Zayn eventually sees Niall. Always in the same spot when he’s working—behind the bar, polishing glasses. At least that's how it's always been. He doesn’t know what to think about this new sight of Niall and Ethan hugging. But he felt his heart jump a little when Niall let Ethan go. Its pace increased once he noticed Niall's face light up at the sight of him.

“Welcome back.” Niall clapped Zayn's shoulder just as he pulls him into a hug.

“I got back around seven.” He says as his chin hooks over Niall's shoulder. Off to the side, he noticed Ethan standing by with a smile; his disappeared. “What are you doing here?” He pulls away.

“Can we talk? Before I go?” Ethan asks.

“Yeah.” Zayn nods.

Niall hated slow nights where he was left to count every minute until closing. But there was nothing more he hated than having a nearly-full house restaurant with fifteen lefts before closing. Drinks orders stopped a while ago when every table got theirs. There really wasn’t a need for him anymore. He could be speaking too soon.

Zayn and Ethan were too far for him to read. It looked like a serious conversation; no exes talk for ten minutes without it being important. He was just bored and annoyed altogether, and Zayn always fixes it for him.

The tenth time his eyes glance up at them, his chest caved in. His face must be beet red with the way his cheeks started feeling completely hot. He kept his eyes shut until he opened them up looking somewhere else. How was he supposed to look at Zayn again? Even if he did push Ethan off of him, they still kissed, and Niall can still see it replaying in his head.

“We need to talk.” Zayn told him flatly once he came back. Niall, who looked for something to do that didn’t involve having to turn towards Zayn, began cleaning the liquor bottles off the shelf.

“About what?” Niall asks in the same crossed tone Zayn has.

“What you saw, what I did, and what you did.”

“What’d he tell you?”

“What you didn’t wanna tell me.”

Niall huffs. “I’m not getting off any time soon with all these people still here.”

“What makes you think I'm not gonna wait?”

“Hm, I don't know.” Niall finally turns. There he was; sitting where he always sits. “Your tone? It's a bit aggressive.”

“Good. Then you know how I feel right now.” Zayn sighs.

Now, Niall had no interest in getting off now. How could Zayn even wait around for him? Wasn’t he tired? He's never tired when he’s supposed to be. On the other hand, he knew this was all going to collapse on him. After each and every breath, he could feel his chest getting hollower, feel his throat tighten—and it'll tighten even more until Niall swallows the big lump in his throat, where it'll eventually grow again. Truth be told, all he wanted to do right now was cry. It wasn’t supposed to happen this way; Zayn wasn’t supposed to get hurt like that, and neither was he.

He couldn’t ignore Zayn sitting right in front of him. Even if things are bad between them, he didn’t want it to stick. No, the double shot rum and coke in a short glass wasn’t an apology—it was just something normal between them. Normal is just all what Niall wants at the end of the day—despite it being the opposite from the very beginning. They both deserve it.

Niall couldn’t bring himself to go home. Even with his bar all cleaned and set up for the next person to use, he still wanted to stay behind. He watched the back of the house staff pour out from the kitchen as they finished for the night. Along with the rest of the servers, he let them out. He was one of the few people who had keys to the restaurant—closing was a routine and he didn’t need everyone there.

“Alright.” Niall sighs as he locks the entrance. It was just him and Zayn left. He waited an entire hour for Niall—Zayn either really hates him right now or really _really_ hates him. “Should I go first? Or should you?”

“Are you really asking who should go first?” The smirk on his face wasn’t a good thing.

“It’d be nice to hear the reason why you were kissing Ethan not too long ago before I tell you why I did what I did.” Niall leans against the bar counter, watching Zayn from two seats away. “Aren’t you the one who said you were over him?”

“It’s not about whether I’m over him or not.” Zayn already started. “It was about you, and how you neglected to tell me that you and Ethan were dating.”

“So you kiss him? Instead of hearing my side?” Niall's voice starts to raise. “Didn’t give me a chance at all to explain myself, and now you believe I'm not telling you because that's what I want.”

“That’s why we're here!” He blows out a heavy breath. “So you can tell me what really happened.”

“Is that why? I mean, you already believed whatever Ethan told you. I'm already set up for fucking failure.” Niall sucks in a deep breath while his right fist nervously clapped on his other hand. “You know everything now. What else is there for me to say?” Sooner or later, his chest started heaving as he lets out long and shaky breaths. He could feel the inner corners of his eyes wetting up as he bit his lip down. He’s nearly on the verge of crying, and he’s not looking to hold back on it.

Zayn lets out a long groan with his eyes shut tight. When he opened them, he got off the stool. “No, I don't know everything. I never said I did. Come here, before we fucking kill each other.” He stood by the closest booth, waiting for Niall to slip in. It was like walking in the mud for Niall—torturous and slow. He had his hands behind his nape as he looked at the ceiling, wishing this was all over. Then he remembered Louis saying Zayn's not one to hold grudges—maybe this is why Zayn’s not looking to the door to leave. He wasn’t going to be leaving until everything is laid out on the table.

He sat inside, and Zayn didn’t wait to slip right next to him, lock him in his spot until everything was resolved—or they hit a wall that neither of them can take down.

Fuck, he couldn’t even look anywhere else. Zayn sat turned towards him, holding his head with his elbow on the table. He's all he could see. This time he looked calmer—still afflicted—but less irritated.

“Why me?” Zayn asks.

“Why you, what?” What does that mean?

“Why’d you choose to screw with me?” He asks. This time his voice sounded softer—more vulnerable. Then he starts laughing. “I don't blame you for liking Ethan. He's got all his shit together, and everyone around him knows. I think that's why I loved him as well. Even when we were dating, he was certain of everything.”

“Are you drunk?” Niall grimaces. He could smell the rum from his breath.

“No.” He blinks slowly. He's getting there.

“Then why the fuck are you talking like I went behind your back to date Ethan?” Niall huffs. “This thing started way before we got closer. Remember that party? That’s when it began. You and I weren’t really close then.”

“You still went out with him when you knew we dated.”

“I know.” Niall sighs. “I wasn’t thinking. I didn’t consider it serious. The only date we had, we went out with twenty other people, kissed a few times, but nothing more. I couldn’t do that to you.”

“Do what?”

“Start something with your ex.” Niall's eyebrows push together. “Maybe you still had feelings for him, I didn’t know. But I went ahead anyway.”

“I told you I didn’t.”

“I figured that out eventually” Niall tells him. “But why are you talking as if I played you to get to him? What did he say?”

“I thought —I don’t know. The way he said you guys dated, it seemed like you were serious.” Zayn shrugs. “I was just sure that night before I left, you liked me. Unless I read you wrong then this entire conversation has been pointless.”

Niall groans just as he hisses, “I’m sorry this all happened. I should’ve said something earlier, I was just terrified because I knew I fucked up hard. I told him I was going to explain everything myself.” From irritation, Niall pushed his hair back with both hands. “Zayn, my feelings for Ethan left just as quick as it came. They barely existed. I didn’t use you to get to him. I like you, and that’s that.”

“I’m confused.” Zayn shakes his head. “So, you guys had a thing, but it had nothing to do with me.”

“Yeah?” Niall was confused as well. This was a good time to be drinking. “W-Wel—aren’t you mad I went out with your ex?”

“No. I was mad because I thought you used me to get to know him and see the both of us at the same time.” Zayn winces. “Felt like the same thing when I was with Akane.”

Whatever Ethan said to fuck things up for him, Niall's already over it. He and Zayn were in a different place of understanding, so he couldn’t bring himself to be mad at Zayn for reacting the way that he did. There wasn’t anything he could do to change the fact that Zayn found out the way he did where he was left to think that Niall would be doing the same thing Akane did to him. But he knew he could do something better.

He takes a deep breath before he placed his hand on the table with his palm facing up. “I’ve got you.” He assures Zayn.

With a grin, he clasps Niall’s fingers. He holds his hand tight as he told him the words Niall didn’t know he wanted to hear until now. “I’ve got you too."

* * *

Niall wasn’t used to more than one presence in his house. Besides his own, he was only used to Bono. Living alone all these years left him to get used to the silence that filled his house unless it was Bono trashing something she didn’t like. Otherwise, he knew every source of sound and movement in his house.

So when he felt the weight of his bed sink, he woke up startled at the sight of Zayn sitting on his bedside and the feeling of something warm and wet when his arm impulsively stretches out.

“You ruined it!” Zayn exclaims.

“Fuck are you on? It's 8 in the morning.” Niall sits up, blinking rapidly until his eyes set at what looks to be like a tray on his bed. There's two croissant sandwiches filled with smoked cheddar cheese omelette and arugula, sweet potato hash browns, and what seems to be the spinach and feta sausages they bought from the deli cut in half.

“On your birthday!” Zayn scoffs.

Fuck, he forgot.

“What, seriously?” Zayn chuckles. “You forgot your birthday? You're only 25.” _Now_ he’s 25. He was 24 not too long ago. Big difference.

“Fun fact, I’ve lived alone for five years.” Niall explains somberly. “Every birthday, I wake up with a boner with no reliever but my own hand. It's depressing.”

Zayn groans while he starts to laugh. “This conversation is depressing.”

“You know what’s not? Us going sailing right now.”

“There’s a storm today.”

“Oh fuck.” Niall falls back on his bed. “I always go sailing on my birthday.” It just happened to become a ritual for him every year. It wasn’t any different than the other days he goes sailing in the morning, but he knew he had to do something for his birthday.

“Hey, here. Check it.” Zayn slaps an envelope on his chest and he abruptly flinches. “I was going to give these to you later tonight, but you can take'em now.”

Niall shakes his head once he looks at the tray on his bed again. “Later. Let me see what you got.”

Whatever it was, Niall put it off to the side for the moment. He took the tray off Zayn's hands and went right for the croissant sandwich he had on his plate. Sailing could wait until the next day, and so can the envelope. What couldn’t wait was the breakfast Zayn made for him that morning.

Even after all this time they’ve been living together this summer, he still couldn’t get used to Zayn being here. Any minute now, Zayn could leave just like that and maybe then Niall could finally realize Zayn was actually here. He never did say how long he was going to be staying around—that was sort of hard to accept. He just knew some day, he'll wake up and it'll just be him and Bono again. Good thing about living by yourself for many years is that you know how it feels to live alone, and know it's not the end.

This place wouldn’t do him any good anyway. He was always meant for bigger things. And this town, it's good for those who love simplicity. It would really suck if he left. Wouldn’t be too long until then—summer's finishing up very soon.

He put it all in the back of his mind as the hours went by. Finally, the grey clouds cleared in the late afternoon and they were able to take Lani's dad's boat out for the evening. Niall only spoke to three people regularly in his life as of this moment—they were the only ones on this boat and Niall didn’t need more.

“To Niall,” Lani raises her bottle of water. She prohibited drinking on the boat. “May you be wiser. Never take any of Louis' advice again.”

“To Lani,” Niall raises his bottle back. He’s standing behind Zayn, with his other arm hugging across his collar bone. “You’re dating him.”

“I felt that in my soul.” Zayn grips Niall's hand that's resting on his chest. “None of you are allowed to toast anything for me.”

“You guys act like I'm not here.” Louis rolls his eyes.

“I’m not acting.” Niall sneers back.

“Why are you being so mean?” Zayn laughs.

“If only you knew.” Niall sighs. He checks out the new screens Lani's dad installed in for the flir camera installed at the bow. It works well for night sailing. It’s just in case they find themselves sailing later in the night, they need to be prepared. It was dusk right now, and with the clouds still around, the sky was a dark blue. In Niall’s mind, it’s orange and purple.

Niall wouldn’t recommend night sailing—sight is one of the most important things for a sailor and if there's nothing to see, especially out in the water, that's trouble already. That's why they’ve got the flir thermal camera. Flir captures the heat signatures of objects in the field of vision and then uses software algorithms to render the objects in a visible presentation.

“Knew what?” Zayn narrows his eyes between Niall and Louis.

Even before Niall could open his mouth, his eyes looked right at Louis. He yelled right away, pointing at Niall. “Hey! Shut the fuck up!”

Niall rolls his eyes playfully. “Guess we'll never know.”

“I’ll find out eventually.” Zayn sighs in bliss. “In the mean time, Niall—” Zayn hands him the same envelope he gave him early. He must’ve taken it off his bedside table. “I really wanna know what you think of this.”

Niall ripped open the envelope just before he turned his flashlight on. He wasn’t sure what he was looking at, because he's not sure if what he was reading was real. It was a flight itinerary—for September 19th and October 5th.

“Zayn? What is—” Niall continues to read through the sheet of paper. “I-I can't go.” He stammers.

“Yes you can.” Lani intervenes. “My dad already approved your vacation.”

“See that?” Zayn laughs.

“Zayn! I'm not taking this!” Niall's voice starts to shake. He folds the papers back, shoving them back to Zayn. What’s he supposed to do with the flight tickets? Fly? He's never left the island since he was 9. He's practically been here his entire life.

“I can’t refund plane tickets!” He tucks his arms behind his back. He was enjoying Niall's reaction way too much.

“What am I supposed to do in Ireland?” Niall exhales in frustration.

“Niall, go visit your parents!” Lani yells. “Go home!”

“I can’t leave my house! And Bono!” He'd love to bring her to see his parents, but it's expensive. No one ever brings their pets with them on vacation.

“Hey, I told you I got you, didn’t I?” Zayn holds Niall by his waist. He held him close despite Niall's outburst.

“He’s got you. You'll be fine.” Louis sings with his arms waving through the air.

He stares in confusion, trying to piece everything together. October is already so late into the year; how could everything still be the way it is now? “Aren’t you leaving?”

“Leaving? What do you mean?” Zayn looks at Louis. Niall must be missing something here.

“Like, leaving.” Niall shrugs. “Going back to New York or Vancouver?” Doesn’t everyone know the meaning of leaving?

He starts off laughing drily as he stared at Louis. There’s something up in the air he's not a part of.

“I came back because I got laid off from work.” Zayn explains. “My parents have been talking at me for months now about it.”

He couldn’t believe it. All this time, Zayn came back with no intention of leaving—all because he lost his job. That’s the worst thing anyone can go through. “Are you alright? You should’ve said something.”

“Yeah, I'm fine.” It's like Zayn always has some reason to be happy. Smiling, like all the cares of his world were here, and not the rest of the troubles life has to bring. “I'll be here, so go see your parents.”

“Not like I have a choice now, do I?” Niall doesn’t want to admit that this has been the best gift he's gotten in a long time. His face just says it all; warm and glowing.

“No.” He smiles tightly.

Sometimes, he's better off without any.

* * *

Zayn took it to himself to drop Niall off at the airport. He only had a duffle bag and a backpack with him, all good for carry-on. Even if he was going international, he didn’t need to check-in his bags. What else is there to do in Ireland? There wasn’t much to dress up for but the rain. Not any different than Tofino.

It all felt bittersweet —to be finally leaving and seeing his family after six years. He's never really forgiven himself for not going home. Even when he wasn’t going anywhere in life, he had all the time in the world to go. Except, the burdens of failures and promises were heavy chains that held him down. Study marine engineering for four years just to end up a bartender? Sounds depressing. But to Niall, he likes life the way it is, even if he knows it's not the life most people are looking for at the end of the road.

He could never imagine anything sweeter than Mullingar—to finally see his ma again, taste her famous stew and feel her embrace. And his da—Niall could have a drink with him and stay up late until 2 in the morning talking about anything. His brother Gary will be there as well who just had a newborn baby boy. It only took him six years.

As sweet as it is bitter, he wasn’t up to leaving just yet. Before today, he spent the last couple of days with Zayn. When the weather was kind, they sailed farther out than the coast of Tofino, sometimes out to the Pacific Ocean to visit the islets, sometimes through Browning Passage so they could visit Grice Bay which is just around Ucluelet. Those sails took all day which is why they've only done it twice out of the six days he had left until today.

The other days, they stayed around town. Typically, they stayed at home, spent their entire day lazing around in Niall's room. While Zayn had the view of the forest, Niall had one of the beach. Even when Zayn wasn’t around, and he had no plans to go sailing, he'd stay in bed just watching the waves roll in one by one. Now that Zayn was, he could do it with company before Niall's eyes go from watching the sea to gazing at Zayn laying right beside him, his eyes mesmerized by the blue of the sea.

“If only you knew.” Niall laughed to himself that day they were watching out his window. Zayn hummed in response when he realized that line from the night of Niall’s birthday. “That Louis thought you still had feelings for Ethan and really wanted me to cut in between you too. I tried my best, but I should’ve just kept to myself.”

Zayn puffed a quick breath of air as he turned to look at Niall. “Cut in in what way?”

“I was supposed to make you like me.” Niall grimaced. “But I really didn’t do anything in the first place.”

“Oh really,” Zayn pressed his weight on Niall until he was laying on his back. Their faces were far apart that they could still look at each other face to face. “Because whatever you did, it worked.”

Holding the back of his neck, Niall started to crack up. “If you say so.”

“So, was that Louis’ plan for me?” Zayn lifted a brow at him suspiciously. “Give me a summer you’d mistake for an episode on the O.C.?”

“Basically.” Niall laughed. His life felt like the entirety of the O.C. compiled into 5 months.

“Okay, babe.” Zayn sighed with a smirk on his face. “No more meddling with Louis. You’re getting off easy because you're my boyfriend.”

“Alright.” Niall laughed.

“He says I fall hard for people, so I can see why he’s worried about me. Doesn’t mean I don’t know how to pick myself off the ground.”

“I won't meddle.” Niall eventually promised.

He shouldn’t have in the first place. He knew then, and he'll stick by it, even if he has his different views of things.

But there was something else Niall almost missed that day.

“So we're boyfriends again?” Niall had to clarify. No one had ever mentioned it until now despite knowing it was coming.

“Didn’t you hear Barry? High school sweethearts.” Zayn kissed him right at the corner of his jaw.

“Ugh, fucking sa—" Niall groaned before it abruptly got louder. “My neck!” His body shivered, as Zayn's face was tucked right info his neck.

It's hard to leave something nice like that.

Especially when it's seeing you off, and you can’t do anything but leave.

Zayn got his bags out of Niall's car before he could set them down on the floor once they got inside the airport. It was a tiny place, twenty minutes south from Tofino. The airport is for private planes and small commercial planes. It wasn’t the place for international flights; meaning he’ll be flying over to the mainland, finally visit Vancouver after so many years.

Niall's holding his tickets tight so he doesn’t lose them. It'd be a shame to lose something Zayn bought for him. Although he could possibly reprint them again at the WestJet desk if he gave him his name.

“Take Bono out twice a day. Three times to be safe. She's unpredictable with her shit.” Niall starts to list. “Water the plants every other day, have the garbage out the day before pick up which is Tuesday and Thursday.”

“Niall—”

“Open the windows once for an hour at least to get air circulating throughout the house.” Niall continued on. “And Bono! Wash her this week. I wash her every other week because she tends to—"

“Niall—" Zayn tried again.

“And always lock the door.” Niall warns him. “Both front and back.”

“Niall!” Zayn exclaims. He holds his face. “I’ve been living with you for nearly four months. I know the rules.”

Oh gosh. Zayn’s right about that. “I'm so scared. I don’t think I should be going. What if my parents don’t want to see me at all? What if I get lost? I’m supposed to be going to Mullingar, but I fucking end up in Kilkenny. That’s the opposite side of Mullingar.”

“Hey, relax.” Zayn soothes him quietly. “You’re overthinking. They’re your parents. They love you so much. You’re nervous, that's all. Don’t need to be. We went over the bus routes to get to Mullingar. You’re good.”

“Fuck, you’re right.” Niall pulls Zayn into a tight embrace, squeezing his torso as hard as he can. “I wish you came.”

“I know. But this trip is solely for you.” Zayn laughs quietly. “We'll go somewhere soon.”

Did it have to be? His parents know Zayn; they would’ve welcome him in open arms. There was really no use in arguing about it. Zayn’s adamant on letting him have this to himself.

And he’d never forget the words Zayn whispered just before they pressed their lips together.

“In the meantime, I'll be at home waiting for you.”

**Author's Note:**

> honestly, pleeease consider leaving a comment! in general, it gives a lot of writers the confidence to keep going! give ur local writer a comment and kudos today! :D


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